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Every time I think about him, I’m sucked into his head, and I try to claw my way back. Pull away from him, and have control over my feelings.
Him having such an impact on what we do and the change coming so quickly doesn’t help us at all.
That’s why I had these expectations. That’s why I walked into that room and talked to him and drank in his eyes, with this idea in my head that I would have an impact on him, the same way he had an impact on me.
Nothing happened.
Nothing happens.
The woman at the reception desk smiles as she’d usually do.
The security detail greets me and holds the door as he’d normally do––a stern look on his face and no smile to speak of.
I step in front of the building and can’t help myself and look up. I don’t even know if he can see me.
He could if he stood on the terrace. He doesn’t. He’s not there.
There is no waving at me, calling my name, a hint of desperation anywhere. My stomach churns.
Have I said too much?
Have I said something wrong?
I won’t be bothered with this. I told him the truth. How he handles it is his business.
With that last thought, I rush to the limousine, not looking back, knowing that he won’t come after me. And nothing will stop me from pulling away.
* * *
RAVEN
I go straightto the hotel, exit the limousine, and enter my room moments later, somewhat frozen inside.
I can’t think about what happened. I don’t want to imagine the near or far future. And I try my best not to think about him.
I take off my clothes and change into something comfortable before drawing myself a bath and ordering some chocolate cake and strawberries.
I get the food, light up a few scented candles, and despite the blinding sunlight streaming through the window, I decide to spend some time on my own, taking a bath.
I shed my clothes and get into the water before folding a towel, setting it on the edge of the tub, leaning back, and staring at the view.
The light shines across the glass when I close my eyes and let myself slip away for a few good moments.
I haven’t had time to think about a lot of practical things lately, but I’m not going to start now.
Minutes later, I pick up my phone and send messages to Giana, Isla, and Shauna.
Giana and Shauna are at work, and they each send me a quick reply. Isla spends the day with a friend and can’t talk right now.
She’s never told me if her friend is a romantic partner or just a friend. She’s also never told me what she does for a living.
Asking her when I can’t quite say how I make my money would be hypocritical.
It’s all right. I don’t need to talk to anyone.
I just wanted to connect to someone other than the men I’ve spent my time with.
I’ll meet Giana and Shauna when I get back. And I’ll catch up with Isla later if she still wants to talk to me once I’m back in New York.
