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"Mom struggled. It was hard watching her hurt the way she did. I would wake up in the middle of the night and hear her crying in their room. After the first few nights, I started getting up when I heard her cry. I would just hug her until she eventually fell asleep."
Arms squeeze around me and I realize tears are streaming down my cheeks. I try to wipe them away quickly, but when I feel the tightening in my throat, I know it's too late. My shoulders drop, and I put my head between my knees as the heartache rips through me.
The tears only fall faster as every deeply hidden ache and pain takes hold of me. I try to cover my face with my hands, but Ava is there before I get the chance. She crouches in front of me and takes my hands in hers, not allowing me to pull away and hide like I want to.
"I'm here. Let me be here for you. You don't have to hide from this anymore," Ava whispers and pulls me towards her, wrapping her tiny body around mine until she's the only thing I feel.
My body shakes as I let out gentle sobs, finally giving in to all the built-up emotions that I've held in for so long. We sit there in silence, the only noise in the room comes from the sounds of my erratic breathing as I try and calm myself down. And once the tears let up, I try to get my breathing under control again and wipe my face dry.
"You know he's proud of you, right?" Ava murmurs gently, kissing my cheek.
Is he? I like to think so. I've tried to be the best man I can be, not wanting to let him down. Let's hope he's up there with a smile on his face.
???
"What team are you hoping to go to?" Ava pipes up from my lap, her hands on either side of my neck.
We've moved from the floor to the couch. Her head is in my lap as my fingers run through her soft hair. Her favourite movie is playing on the T.V, and although I put up a bit of a fight, it's not half bad.
"Vancouver would be my top choice, but it all depends on what spot I go," I reply, moving my gaze to her.
She tilts her head towards me. Her cheeks are tinted pink, and her bottom lip is pulled tightly in between her teeth.
"Vancouver sucks. I would hate for you to get stuck on a bad team just because you want to stay close to your family."
I raise an eyebrow, questioning her. "I hope you're including yourself in my family, baby."
She shrugs off my comment. "What happens when you get stuck somewhere in the states?"
That question is something I've been thinking about consistently since dinner with her family. I think I finally have come up with a solution. Or at least a temporary one.
"I'll keep my place here and I'll fly back and forth. I'll facetime you every chance I get," I explain confidently.
She scoffs, gently shoving my chest. "You're not keeping a place in a city you'll barely be in! Don't be ridiculous."
"What do you mean, ‘rarely be in’? I plan on being here every chance I get," I argue, not liking her unconvinced tone. "Anyways, it's still like nine months away. I still have plenty of time to convince you."
She sighs loudly.
If I had it my way, she would be waiting for us in our place while I'm gone. I don't mention that, though. I know that would only freak her out. Hell, it freaks me out and I'm the one who thought of it in the first place.
But if I’m honest with myself, she's it for me. I think I've known that since the moment I first saw her. Maybe it's ridiculous to say that considering I haven't even said the dreaded L-word to her yet. But I don't plan on ever-changing my mind about her.
Octavia Layton is the girl for me and I will happily shout it from every single skyscraper in this city.
