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“Sage has always felt guilty about her illness. It’s not her fault; however, she’s taken on the burden of it in more ways than one. I think right now she needs her space and time to heal.”
“It may have started like a fake relationship, but I care about her. At some point, it turned real. Very real to me.” I shake my head, running a hand through my hair. “I need her.” My voice cracks.
Mrs. Crawford looks at me with a soft gaze.
“I believe that you care about her. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t have stayed by her side weeks ago when she had her first flare-up. However, that doesn’t change that your relationship started in a very different way from how an honest one begins, even if you were in agreement and honest with each other.”
I nod, sighing. “Can I ask you a favor? I know I’m in no position to do so, but please, I just need to know that she’s okay. If she worsens, which I pray she doesn’t, call me.”
“We pray she doesn’t either, but I will.” She nods, patting my arm. “You’re a good man, Tristan.”
“Yeah.” I shake my head. “Not that it’s worth much.”
“It’s worth plenty,” she says.
“I’m gonna go. If she . . .”
“Don’t worry.”
“Right.”
My chest feels as if a monster with claws has ripped through it to steal my heart. I begin to wander, confused as to how in the world all this happened. When did Sage decide she didn’t want me anymore? Worse yet, does she blame me for her flare-up? I’ll never forgive myself if that’s the case.
Drops of cold water hit my face, and I look up at the black sky. Great, even the weather is mirroring my mood. I continue to walk without a care that I’m getting wet. I’ve lost the woman I love.
The woman I love.
I rub the heel of my palm to my chest. Is this what love feels like? Risking everything for that person? Wishing you could carry their pain so they won’t have to feel a drop of it? Realizing that the path you are on is meaningless if they’re not on it with you?
Emotions burn my throat. The weight of her words starts to build on my shoulders, and I stumble.
We’re both better off.
No, we aren’t. I’m not better off without her. I’m a million times a better man because of her. She’s taught me so much. I’ve . . . I’ve caused her stress.
I run a hand down my face, rubbing my eyes. Tears sting and blur my vision. I didn’t want to be a burden to her, be a reason for her to get sick.
My fists tighten into balls as anger builds inside of me. This is why it’s best not to get attached, but I have no power over my feelings when it comes to Sage.
She wrapped me up and converted me into a believer. She showed me there’s more to life than work. She made me realize that setting roots isn’t a bad thing. She watered me with joy and desire for a life I thought I didn’t want, and my roots grew on their own because I want to be where she is.
I drop to my knees and stare up at the sky. Rain falls down on me, making me shiver, but I don’t care. Nothing matters right now. My heart cracks. I’ve never known pain like this before. It’s excruciating and emptying. I feel like a shell, hollow on the inside.
When a car honks, I snap out of it and stand, continuing my walk back home. I arrive a soaked disaster. Hudson and Lex both stare at me from their spot on the couch.
Great, now I have to face the perfect example of fighting for love.
“What happened?” Hudson sits up.
I shake my head and lift my hand. “Don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Is Sage okay?” Lex asks with a tremble in her voice.
“She’s not feeling well.”
“Oh, no.” Lex’s face fills with concern.
I move away from the living room, wishing I had my own place so I wouldn’t have to pretend to care about anyone else right now.
