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It was still dark when I awoke, the barest glimpse of the first rays of morning light beginning to creep around the edges of the curtains. Theo was warm behind me, one arm draped loosely over my waist, his even breath ruffling the hair on the back of my head. For a second I wasn't sure what woke me, but then I heard a sigh and a soft rustle of fabric from over near the door. I shifted, careful not to dislodge Theo's arm, and peered over the side of the bed.
Luca wasn't asleep on the floor where we'd left him. He was sitting against the wall by the door, his elbows propped on his knees, vacant gaze staring off into the distance. I watched him for a moment. His face was half-hidden in shadow, but I could still see the worried crease in his brow, the way his dark hair was mussed as if he'd been running his hands through it. As if in answer to my thoughts, he lifted one hand, tangling it into his hair and tugging lightly before propping his chin on his fist and settling into stillness once again. I couldn't see his eyes. Were they green, I wondered, or red?
"Luca," I whispered before I could stop myself.
His head came up, swiveling in my direction. Green eyes.
"Come here." I patted the bed by my side.
He didn't hesitate before rising and crossing to the bed. I held my breath as he settled gingerly on the edge so as not to disturb Theo. I wondered if he was as drawn to me as I was to him. I wondered if our connection was entirely due to the demons inside us.
"Why aren't you sleeping?" I whispered.
“I…it is silly." He glanced down. "I know Theo is here as well, but…I did not wish to leave you unguarded. I thought someone should remain awake. Just in case."
A bloom of warmth kindled in my belly.
"Here, lie down," I said, pulling back the covers. "You must be exhausted. I'm not going anywhere with the two of you here."
He searched my eyes for a second, then slipped beneath the heavy duvet. He gave a tired sigh and rested his head on the pillow beside me, but didn’t close his eyes. He continued to watch me, and after a moment, one hand came up, resting gently on the pillow between us.
"I am sorry," he finally said, his voice low. "I do not ask your forgiveness; I know that will take time. I only wish you to know that I really am sorry. I should have told you everything from the start."
I wasn't sure how to respond, so I kept quiet, and eventually he continued.
“I…I have been searching for hundreds of years. I have imagined that moment, I cannot tell you how many times, imagined finding the book, finding her, freeing her. But the whole time, I was short-sighted. I…never once did I imagine what might happen next. I never expected another person to become involved. I never expected…you."
Tears stung the backs of my eyes, but I held them at bay, refusing to let him see how his words affected me. I kept my voice level. "I see. I suppose you want her back then. Out of me, so the two of you can be together again. I'm sorry…I’m sorry I got between you."
His expression changed in a flash. "River, no. It is not like that. I want nothing that jeopardizes your safety."
Despite my best efforts, a tear slipped out, tracing a damp track down to the pillow. I wasn't sure why I cared, if the feelings might not even belong to me, but it didn't change the fact that his words hurt. "I appreciate your concern for my safety," I said in a flat voice. "That's a nice thought, coming from a demon."
His eyes darkened, and for the space of a heartbeat, I thought I could see a ring of red around the green of his irises. He was so close, the heat of his breath mixing with mine. "I am more than a demon," he told me. "I am a man."
And with that, he closed the gap, his mouth coming down hard against mine. The instant our skin touched, fire raged within me, burning passion drawing out the instability and recklessness I always felt around him. The kiss was bruising, punishing, and I poured my emotions into it, letting out all my hurt, all my confusion. I bit his lip, hard, and he pushed his tongue into my mouth, sliding it against mine until I thought the fire inside me might consume us both. My hands came up, tangling into his hair and tugging until a guttural moan vibrated in his chest and he pulled back, panting.
"You feel this. I know you do, what is between us."
I couldn't catch my breath. I could barely think around the desire to have his lips back on mine, to have his weight over me, to feel him driving into me.
"How do I know this is me?" I gasped. "What part of this is River and Luca, and what part is…” I forced the names out. "Lilin and Abigor."
He kissed me again, but this time it was a gentle press of lips, his hands coming up to frame my face. "I am not an innocent bystander in my own body," he said. "And neither are you."
I pulled back, searching his eyes, as if the answers I wanted were written there. "Who are you?" I whispered. "Who am I talking to, Luca or Abigor? How do I know?"
A stricken look came over his features, and his hands fell away from my face. He rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. When he spoke, his words were so soft I could barely hear them. "After all this time…it is not always easy for me to tell."
The knot of anger in my chest loosened a little, morphing into something I couldn't quite identify. Reaching up, I tugged gently at his shoulder until he turned toward me again. "Julian will help us, right? Both of us?"
His eyes were bright with unshed tears. "I hope so," he whispered.
I took his hand in mine, lacing our fingers together. I wasn't sure how I'd gone from being furious at him to wanting to comfort him, but I didn't have the energy to dwell on it. I just held his hand and watched as his eyes drifted closed, his lashes dark against his cheek.
"Well," came Theo's voice from behind me, making me jump. I hadn't even noticed when his arm had left my waist. "If the two of you are done, maybe we can all get a few more hours of sleep?"
Heat flooded my cheeks. "I'm sorry, Teddy," I whispered.
