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I didn't point out that in the span of half an hour, we had already moved from 'impossible' to 'too dangerous,' but I took it as a heartening sign.
"I disagree," I said. "What could happen? It could not work. In which case we're no worse off than we are now."
"It could kill you," Theo said flatly.
"Which Lilin is actively trying to do now," I pointed out. "Chances are, if we do nothing, she'll eventually succeed. If we try, there's at least a chance of success."
Theo turned his pleading gaze to Luca. "Help me out here, man."
Luca lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “I’m…inclined to agree with River. I think it is perhaps a risk worth taking."
Theo glowered. "You just want to rescue your demonic girlfriend."
Luca's posture tightened. "I have made it very clear that I support nothing that causes harm to River."
"Yeah, but—"
"Hey," I cut in, raising my voice over their squabbling. "Don't you think maybe this should be my decision? Speaking as the person whose life is actually in peril here."
Julian shook his head. "If the ritual goes wrong and Olryg is summoned, we put far more than just your life in peril."
"All the more reason not to do it," Theo said firmly. "Besides—“ He jabbed a finger in Luca's direction. "What does happen if she dies? Same thing, right? Hundreds of thousands of souls lost, et cetera?"
"Theo," I said, appalled.
"What?" Theo said. "I don't know, and neither does he. Do you?"
Luca shook his head. "No, but—“
"Exactly," Theo snapped.
I spun to face him. "You think this is a picnic? Just hanging around, waiting for the day she walks me off a cliff? Or maybe that won't happen. Maybe I'll just lose myself completely, and you can tell her how you thought it was safer that way!"
He looked stricken at my words, but I was already on my feet, stomping toward the door. I couldn't stop the anger that boiled in my blood, wasn't even sure it was wholly mine.
I slammed the door to the tiny cabin behind me and made my way to the edge of the stream. I knew the three of them wouldn't dare leave me alone, and I was right: when I glanced back, Theo and Luca had both followed me outside. They seemed to realize I needed space, though. They stayed clustered around Julian's fire pit, speaking in low voices.
I turned my back to them and plunked myself down on an upturned log that had been sunk into the bank near the rushing water. It was dark out, night fully fallen and the moon high in the sky, but I could see clearly.
How had everything gotten so complicated? This summer was supposed to be the ultimate adventure. My first trip to Europe, the oldest excavation I'd ever worked on. Making a real scientific contribution, maybe setting myself up for a permanent teaching position at the university. And instead I was stuck here, sitting on a log in front of a recluse's cabin in the mountains, trying to convince a bunch of stubborn, frustrating men to help exorcise the homicidal demon who'd taken up residence inside me.
Even the thought made me tired. Couldn't there be even a hint of normalcy in my life?
As if on cue, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I dug it out, my heart leaping when I saw Vanessa's name on the screen.
When are you coming back? We're about done excavating the exterior chapel wall and Raheem located the privy. You know there'll be tons of good shit to find there, no pun intended ;)
A wave of longing swept through me. That should be me, with nothing more on my mind than the excitement of potential treasures from a latrine pit. Rather than text back, I pulled up her number and let it ring through.
She answered immediately. "Hey! I wasn't sure you'd still be awake."
Relief flooded through me at the familiar sound of her voice. "Yeah, I'm still up. I'm surprised you are, though. Or is Irina keeping you up all hours?"
She snorted. "Like you're one to talk. Don't think I didn't notice both Luca and Theo went missing from the dig site at the same time you needed a 'mental health break.'" Her voice turned cautious. "Seriously though, how are you doing? I know you're not due back yet, and Raheem told me to give you space, but I was worried."
I sighed. As desperate as I'd been just a minute earlier to forget everything that was happening, suddenly all I wanted was to spill the whole story to her. I could use a sympathetic ear that wasn't connected to this whole mess. But how could I possibly make her understand?
"I'm okay," I finally said.
