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For a long time, there’s no change in him at all. Then, for just the briefest second, his shoulders broaden, his limbs extending as claws protrude from his fingertips. His skin darkens, black fur sprouting all over his body. He looks like a sort of humanoid wolf, unlike any shifter I’ve ever seen before.
And then something seems to snap, and his regular face and body reappear in a rush. It all happened so fast that I could almost convince myself I imagined the whole thing. It was like he got partway through the shift and couldn’t complete it.
Oh. My eyes widen. This was what I sensed last night, wasn’t it?
“You can’t…” I breathe.
North growls, opening his eyes and shaking himself like he just got out of a bath and is trying to get the water off. “It’s no fucking use.”
Raven and Cain look at each other sadly, but also resignedly. As if they’ve seen this happen a hundred times before.
I try to think what it would be like to be unable to phase, to be unable to be, well, a fae. I can’t imagine. I know that until recently I haven’t had the Sight, and I’m not really fae in my behavior—but a lot of that was my choice. I chose to live as much of a human life as possible.
This feels different. Like North is trying to break through a wall and can’t.
“This is pointless,” North growls. “Let’s go.”
Cain and Raven follow obediently. North glances over at me, as if he’s wondering if I’ll follow, too, and I see such pain and frustration in his eyes, it breaks my heart.
I also see shame.
CHAPTER17
We don’t deal with any threats on the way out. The bats are all dead, the spears don’t seem to activate if you’re going the opposite direction, and same with the boulders. That’s a relief, at least.
It’s silent as we make our way to the car. Raven actually doesn’t get into the driver’s seat this time. He takes the front passenger seat instead.
North takes the driver’s seat. He glances at Raven, a grateful expression in his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything. It reminds me again how well these men know each other. They don’t have to speak or ask. They just know what the other one needs and do it. No thanks are even necessary, because they can feel the gratitude from each other.
I settle into the back, unsure what to say, or if I should even say anything. I think, from the fact that North is now the one driving, that he needs to be in control right now—or at least to feel more in control. Since he couldn’t shift.
Was that why he was running over the boulders earlier? I hadn’t really thought about it at the time. I’d been too full of adrenaline. Too worried about us all dying. But does that mean North can’t phase out, either? I’ve never heard of a fae who couldn’t do that, or a shifter who couldn’t shift.
The drive back is still silent. Not even Cain says anything, not making small chatter. Before, when there were periods of silence, it was comfortable. This is anything but.
We head right back to Vegas and drop the car off at the rental place, then book a suite at a hotel. Not one of the most expensive casinos, but one of the lower-priced ones. We want to blend in with the crowds, but we can’t afford to be in the middle of everything if something goes down—it would be hard to explain to non-supernatural people, and I don’t want anyone to get hurt.
Once in the suite, Cain starts strategizing. “So it’ll take some time, but Raven and I can use the Sight again—”
North growls, not even proper words, and stalks off toward the balcony.
I wince.
Raven sighs and starts looking around the rooms, inspecting everything. Cain gives me a sympathetic look. “I know, he doesn’t make it easy.”
“I don’t understand. He should have the power of both his bloodlines, right?”
“Theoretically,” Cain acknowledges. “We have the weaknesses of both sides—so iron still makes us icky. It’s not like being half-something-else-that-doesn’t-hate-iron makes us immune. If I was half vampire, I’d still have to slop on sunblock and use a parasol when going out in the sun.”
“So maybe for some reason that’s just… amplified in him?” I ask. “Is that what you mean?”
“Yeah. So that now he has all the weaknesses and none of the strengths. We don’t really know for certain. Raven thinks that it’s just North himself, that he’s got some mental block he has to get over.” He shrugs. “I’d hoped that… since we found you, our fated mate, things might get easier for him. But so far…”
I know that it’s not my fault that he’s like this, but I can’t stop a strange twisting feeling of guilt in my gut. Like if maybe I would admit that I was their mate and get on with it, give myself over to this idea, North would be able to shift.
That’s not how it works, of course, I know that, but… still. I can’t control how I feel.
“I’ll go and talk to him,” I say.
