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“Not on my ship. On my ship, you’ll find out who you really are.”
“How?”
“Because you’ll have to. You can’t be a drone here, Dreamy. You’ll have to make choices. You’ll have to be whoever it is you really are. Don’t look so worried. It’ll happen without you even knowing it.”
She looks uncertain, but that’s because she’s still so new. She doesn’t realize she’s already changing, already becoming more of what I knew she was the very first time I met her. Brave, and sweet, and selfless to a fault.
6
Dreamy
Shah is a busy guy. It’s not easy being a master criminal. While he goes off to deal with whatever needs his attention, I choose to stay in his rooms, because nothing in the food court feels like it’s worth being thedrone who got fuckedthere. I don’t know if I was supposed to gain confidence from that interlude. I’ve definitely gained a kind of twisted love-hate relationship with the idea of being in public. Sex with Shah is life changing. Literally. The life I knew is gone, and the life I now inhabit feels entirely alien to me.
A knock at the door of Shah’s room makes me answer it reflexively. I’m surprised to see that the person on the other side is Zeki.
“Shah told me to bring you some more clothes,” she says, shoving a pile of them at me.
I take them and go and lay them on the bed. “Thank you,” I say. “That’s really…”
“Why does he even want you? You’re just a stupid drone.”
So it’s going to be that kind of conversation. She’s stepped into his quarters and the door has closed behind her. It’s just her and me now, and though she’s not that much physically larger than me, she contains more menace per ounce than a warhead. I’m scared of her, but I am also annoyed by her. It’s not my fault I’m here. Shah chose me.
“I don't know,” I tell her. It’s the truth. I really don’t know what Shah sees in me. All I really know is that once he makes a decision, he seems to stick to it.
“Is it because you have brown hair? Should I dye my hair again?”
“Maybe?” I don’t know what else to say. Giving Zeki advice on how to seduce Shah feels strange. And pointless. “But I think if he wanted to sleep with you, he probably already would have. He takes what he wants.”
“You’re a cold bitch,” Zeki says, giving me a horrified look. “You think you have the only pussy in space?”
“I don’t think that,” I say, trying not to insult her. I really didn’t mean to. I don’t want a fight, and I don’t need to make an enemy. “I just think he wants me. And not you.”
Oh dear, I’ve done it again. More harshly this time, too. Why can’t I stop? Why is the truth so brutal?
“I should kick your fucking ass,” she hisses. “But you’re hiding behind Shah.”
“I’m not hiding behind anything. You can do what you want to me.”
Okay, that time, that time I might have been inviting some kind of altercation. She’s not the only one feeling emotionally tender. I know I have a lot to prove on this ship, and I also know that everybody thinks I am weak. Being bent over and fucked in front of people trying to have their lunch has done nothing for my street cred.
Zeki tries to slap me. I see her lift her hand, open palm. For a second, I can’t believe she’s actually going to do it. Girls shouldn’t hit. I suppose boys shouldn’t either but try telling them that. Zeki’s slap doesn’t connect, because I take a step back just as she lunges forward, putting her entire body into the attempt to hurt me. Her momentum sends her spinning around, off-balance, and she ends up running face-first into the nearest wall.
“Oh fuck!” She curses as she uses her nose as a brake for the rest of her body. It’s not very effective.
I feel immediately sorry for her, and I go to her to try to help her, but she reaches out with bloodied hands to push me away.
“Get the fuck away from me!”
“Just… look, you’re bleeding.”
She’s bleeding absolutely everywhere. I’ve never seen any mess that intense. Noses must be reservoirs of incredible amounts of blood.
“Leave me the fuck alone, you…”
“The hell is this!” Shah’s deep voice booms over the chaos of her screams. He’s returned to his rooms just in time to be too late to stop the chaos.
“She made me bleed!” Zeki screams at the top of her lungs, hysterically. “She’s a fucking mad cunt. Look what she did to my face. She broke my fucking nose.”
