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She had shed tears throughout the night. The tears that had not flown for Daniel cascaded at the death of a dream. No, it was worse than the loss of that fantasy. It was the decimation of hope. The utter destruction of love. Her eyes burned, the welling threatening to begin anew. She threw off the covers in anger. Enough! She jumped from the bed and shuffled to the window, aware but uncaring about her bare feet on the cold floor.
The weather mirrored her mood, the forest beyond the drive obscured by a dense fog and the sky veiled in threatening clouds. Let it shed her tears, for she was done.Accept the things you cannot change.That was what her father always said.
She had pondered many rebuttals through the long night but, in the end, knew she would not reject the marriage. She’d given herself to Nicholas long before yesterday. If this was her only recourse to having him in her life, then she would acquiesce. Although it was a painful truth, she could not see the years ahead without him.
A light tap, and the door opened a fraction. Sadie’s round face peeked in, flushing when she made direct eye contact with Catherine.
“Come in, come in,” she said. It seemed that, today, Sadie’s aspirations of becoming a personal maid were about to see fruition. Catherine refused to leave Stratton Hall without an ally.
“Would you like something to eat, Miss Baring?”
“No, thank you.”
Sadie bobbed, her face trying to mask her excitement. It was not every day one’s mistress got married. To one of the richest men in the district. To a man who felt obligated only because he’d taken her mistress’s virginity.
Catherine shook her head angrily. He had not robbed her. He’d taken it with genuine affection, and she had given that most precious gift willingly. Wantonly. She shivered at the thought. It was what he’d accused her of being. A whore. She’d certainly proven it with him.
Sadie picked up the riding habit Catherine had shed to the floor last night. The girl started brushing fervently at the garment.
“Sadie.” Catherine bit back a bark; her tension was not the maid’s fault. It was not even Nicholas’s. She’d strayed from their preordained path. He had every right to his anger and every right to the absolute fury he’d demonstrated yesterday. There was naught to be done about it. She would never be able to tell him why she’d betrayed him, for he would never understand it. How could he when she barely did herself? Besides, regardless of how it had all come to pass, it was betrayal. There was no way to soften that dreadful reality. Marrying him now was her penance.
“I don’t know what to wear,” she confessed. What did one wear to a ceremony that sealed the demise of a heart’s desire?
Sadie oblivious to the reality of the day ahead, her face brightened. “Oh, Miss Baring! You said nothing, so in the circumstance that you might not have thought about it—being so swept away by Lord Walford’s impatience—I took the liberty to ready your outfit.” She hesitated. “But we can quickly get anything you want ready. The iron is to the fire, waiting.”
“I am sure that whatever you have chosen is fine.”
Sadie was disappointed, but Catherine just could not fake enthusiasm. She’d longed for this day. Now she dreaded it.
“Would you like a full bath, Miss Baring?”
Why not? She had the time, although she hated to make everyone work so hard this early in the morning. At least she was the only soul they had to wait upon. She’d sent an urgent message to her father last night but doubted he would be able to respond in a timely manner.
He certainly could not be here in time to…to what? To stop the wedding? To intercede? To demand it be the marriage of her dreams? She almost snorted. The marriage of her dreams had evaporated with the frenetic acceptance of Daniel’s proposal. What had she been thinking? To be Nicholas’s sister by marriage would have been unbearable. This consequence was a lesser one. She hoped. He’d been so angry. Surely, in time, that would pass and he would find marriage to her tolerable?
While waiting for the twins to finish filling the tub, Catherine sat by the fireplace, wondering what Laurence would say about this new tangle she’d managed to put herself in. When the boys finally left, Sadie took Catherine’s wrapper and gown and held her hand as she stepped into the tub.
“Just leave the linen, Sadie. A little calm before the storm, if I may.”
Sadie lay the toweling on a nearby chair and quietly slipped from the room.
Catherine slid down into the warm water, the smell of jasmine infusing each breath. It was such an exotic scent, one that promised lands unknown. Lives unknown. Dreams unknown. She inhaled deeply again, but further whimsical thoughts eluded her, dampened by the pressing truth. At the folly, her dreams had once again been within her grasp. A fleeting moment of utter happiness.
She sighed heavily. She’d always known the consequences of her decision to wed Daniel. She ducked under the water, then brushed the wet strands of hair off her face and stared at the embers in the grate. This was life. Real. Not some perfume-inspired, romantic vision. Today she faced her fate. Today the love of her life would stand before the church and declare fealty. Today her dreams died.
