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TRINE
We leave that night.
If it were up to me, I would happily never see my mother again. The way I see it, we could remain estranged until the day I die and that would be no skin off my nose. But the men surrounding me say that talking to her is the only way I can be helped, and I’m not going to reject their help. Not after everything they’ve done for me. Not after what they’re trying to do for Tom.
They know what they’re doing.
Because of everything that has led us up to this point, I trust them.
I get in the rental car without hesitation. Misha puts my bag in the trunk of the car then gets in the driver seat, then Rei opens the door of the passenger side to me and flashes me a smile as I climb into the car.
Rei and Luke sit in the back and it isn’t until we leave Orlando that one of them finally speaks about anything other than traffic.
I watch as the lights of the city disappear in the side mirrors, a knot tightening around the pit of my stomach.
Misha glances at me from the corner of his eyes. “Trine,“ he says. “Are you okay?“
I shrug. “I don’t know,“ I say, closing my eyes and leaning my head against the headrest as I look at the ceiling of the rental. “It’s just been a long time since I’ve seen my mom. I don’t know how she’s going to react if I just show up at her door.“
From behind me, Luke squeezes my shoulder softly and I turn my head to smile at him, but it takes me a considerable amount of effort. I don’t feel like smiling. I feel like screaming.
“I’m sorry,“ Misha finally says under his breath. “I wish there was another way.“
“If you guys are sure, then it’s what we need to do,“ I reply. “I mean, I’m not happy about it, but if we can get all this out of the way with, then…“
Luke squeezes my shoulder reassuringly again before he leans back into his seat.
“I know it seems like you might want to stay like this,“ Misha says. “But you can’t, this is insidious.“
“Like an infection,“ Rei calls out from the background, sliding his glasses up the bridge of his nose. I think he has different glasses for every single day of the week. It’s fucking wild. “We need to cut it off at the root.“
I look at him through the rearview mirror, and notice that he’s looking out the window, his jaw set. Normally, I would only think about how handsome he is, but right now, I can tell that he’s worried.
He’s normally pretty composed, so I don’t like that I’ve worried him.
It makes me more than just a little uneasy.
“But I don’t feel possessed,“ I say. As soon as the words leave my mouth, I wonder if they’re for my benefit or his. “I feel normal. Granted, I have weird dreams sometimes–“
“They sound more like night terrors than weird dreams,“ Rei says, so quietly I have to strain to hear him.
“And if you were just having nightmares, holy water wouldn’t burn you,“ Luke says from next to him.
I sigh, leaning my head against the headrest again. It’s pointless to argue with them. I don’t even know how I could start to debate this. I can try to approach it intellectually, but I’m not dumb. I know that something is wrong with me.
I can feel it in my bones. Every time I close my eyes, something deep and dark and terrifying claws at the inside of my brain, trying to make its way outside and control me.
Because that’s what it feels like.
It feels like I’m losing control every time I let whatever that is take over, and it’s so much easier than fighting against it. I thought it was just exhaustion, but maybe the exorcists are right and it’s something else.
Something more.
I haven’t noticed that Misha is watching me from the corner of his eye until he speaks under his breath. “I can’t imagine how I’d feel in your position,“ he says. “Going to visit my parents is up there with the worst things I can imagine happening to me.“
I turn to look at him, my eyes wide as I take in his expression. His voice is measured, so it’s hard to tell his tone just from his speech, but when I turn to look at his face, I can tell that he’s dead serious.
I think the others might make a joke, but they remain quiet.
