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She shouldn’t have left me.
But I need to look her in the eye, both of us knowing how we were played like pawns, and see whether she stays or leaves. I have a shattered heart telling me that she’ll still go, but somewhere in the shadows, there’s one tiny seed of hope, planted by Autumn herself, trying to break through the dirt and damage to bloom.
In my car, I think...Where would she go?
The obvious choice is her apartment, and when I get there, I pound on her door. “Autumn! Open the door, please. We need to talk.” There’s no answer, and I hear no movement inside, so I bang again. Only then does the door behind me open.
“She’s not there. I saw her come in earlier, but then she went out again,” Autumn’s neighbor informs me as she looks me up and down before clenching her robe at her neck. I forgot that I’m still only partially dressed, but it’s not like I’m going to bust into the neighbor’s apartment. Unless she’s hiding Autumn from me.
“Where’d she go?”
The woman shrugs. She doesn’t know. “Quiet down. We’re sleeping, like reasonable people at this time of night.”
She shuts the door, and I race down the stairs. Parisians.
I drive for hours, all over the city, hoping to find her somewhere. She’s not at the Eiffel Tower or the Luxembourg Gardens, especially at this hour. She’s not walking theChamps Elyseesor any of the other tourist places she loved.
Eventually, exhausted and bereft, I go home. There’s a piece of me that desperately thinks I’ll find her there, waiting for me with Xerxes snuggled up in her lap. But when I get home, not even my beloved dog greets me. It’s so late, he’s passed out in the middle of my bed, so I curl up on the couch.
The next morning, I try again. But now that it’s daylight, there are tourists to contend with. I crane my neck left and right and still don’t see Autumn’s shock of red hair anywhere. She’s not responding to any of my messages or calls either. I’ve been calling every hour, begging her to listen to me.
I even go so far as calling Molly to see if she knows where Autumn is, but Molly nearly takes my head off through the phone line. All I get is, “You fuck with my friend, and I’ll fuck you up so badly that they never find the pieces. Oh-kay, thanks for your consideration for the competition. Byeee!”
And she hangs up on me.
I’d be worried that something has happened to Autumn—after all there is crime in Paris—but my gut tells me there’s no foul play. She simply doesn’t want to be found, at least by me.
Monday morning, I’m an utter mess when I leave my apartment. Downstairs, I seeMadameLaurent setting up her bread station for a day of sales. “Bonjour,” I tell her blandly, not wanting to be rude.
“Bonjour, Monsieur! It’s a beautiful day,non?” She greets me with all the happiness of a woman thankful to wake up to another sunrise. But then she peers at me closer. “Oh! What’s wrong?”
“Work,” I answer stiffly, unable to discuss Autumn when everything in my soul is telling me to search again. And if I don’t find her, to search more.
“Non, this face is heartbreak. Tell me what has happened with your lady love?” She pats my hand gently. “You seemed so happy when I saw you together.”
“I can’t find her. We had a... fight?” I sigh heavily, “I’m not even sure what it was. She’s here for the competition at House Corbin but we...”
I guess I needed to talk more than I realized because before I know it, I’ve toldMadameLaurent everything that’s happened in the last month. She listens quietly, holding my hand and reacting with horror when I explain about the show on Saturday.
“Mon cherie, you need to find her at once. Love is not to be taken lightly, and if you’ve truly found it, you must do right by the fates. Do not take it for granted. It is much too special and rare a treasure to give up so easily.” She nods her head wisely, completely sure of her sage advice.
“More? I don’t know how to find her. I’ve been everywhere.” I look up and down my street as though Autumn will somehow magically appear.
“No, you haven’t, or else you would’ve found her.Non?” She pushes a baguette my way, and I reach into my pocket to pay her for it. “No money today. Only help. Eat. The bread will help you think, see your path clearly.”
I don’t know how that’s remotely possible, but I’m not one to turn downMadameLaurent’s bread or her advice, so I take it from her shaking hand and press an appreciative kiss to her cheek. When she’s not looking, I drop a bill in the can she uses to hold her cash. “Merci, Mademoiselle.”
She smiles at the slight improvement in my tone and the smart flirt. “Oh, you are much too young for a woman like me, but perhaps you’re exactly what Autumn needs.” She winks and shoos me off down the road.
Somehow, I do feel better. Or at least like I still have a mission—find Autumn. Then what? I don’t know, but we have to talk this out. If it doesn’t work, I will have to find a way to accept the loss, but I won’t do that without trying. Autumn and I deserve to have that, without anyone else’s interference.
At the office, I fall into my chair and take a bite of the baguette as I gauge how long it will take me to pack up. No more than an hour, which is ridiculously pitiful considering how much of my life has been wrapped up in this office, this company, this life.
My door swings open unceremoniously. “I found her,” Tobias pants out.
Normally, I’d give him shit for being so rushed and mussed, but not today. “Where is she?”
“America.”
