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He opens his eyes in shock, and seeing me, he flinches away as though I’m going to sucker punch him. “What the fuck?”
I hold my hands out, showing him I mean no harm. “Just came out here to talk.”
His eyes scan me, looking for any lie, any tension, any tell that this is a trick. Finding none, he resorts to tough-guy swagger. “Whatever. Talk if you want.”
He closes his eyes again, as if he’s ignoring me, but I sense he’s on high alert.
“The other day was...” I don’t know what to say to describe what happened. I settle with, “Unacceptable. On my part, and on yours. I can’t speak for you, but I want to offer you my apology for how rough I got with you. I was... scared.”
“Of me?” Tristan says, one eye peeking open.
I consider that carefully before answering. “No. I was scared for Autumn.” I sigh heavily, speaking as the thoughts come to me, even though they’re not fully formed. “Have you ever been in love? I haven’t, not until... now. And it feels so good, like my heart is going to burst with happiness.” I thump my fist over my heart.
Tristan scoffs. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
I ignore the commentary and keep talking, hoping this will make sense to him. “I don’t trust it. It’s too good to be true, you know? I want to surround everything about it, about Autumn, with this big bubble of protection so it doesn’t get spoiled. Because I’m afraid it will. And if I have to go back to a life without her now, I don’t think I could do it.”
“Yeah, poor you. You’ve got everything now, even the girl.” Tristan rolls his eyes and takes a heavy drag, blowing the smoke directly at me.
“I’m very fortunate,” I admit. There’s no arguing that fact, and I remember how Autumn compared my life at eighteen with Tristan being on the verge of the scariest moment of his life. “But that doesn’t mean I have everything. I’m not hungry, cold, homeless... those basics of life have been well provided to me. Beyond that, I’m lucky I’ve got a pretty face. It opened a lot of doors that would’ve otherwise never opened. But the important things? Love, a family, friends... I’ve been humbly underprivileged there.”
Tristan glares at me for even daring to use the word ‘underprivileged’ about a thing in my life, and I can understand why from his perspective.
I hold up a staying hand. “Have you seen my Aunt Jacqueline? Heard anything about her?”
Tristan shrugs, casually spitting out his judgment. “Rich bitch. I met her the other night.” He wants me to defend my aunt’s honor, tell him not to speak of her that way, but the truth is... she can be.
“Yeah, and do you know how she got that way?” When he stays quiet, I offer, “She worked her ass off. She never wanted children. Her company is her baby, all she wanted, all she wants. I was... am... an albatross around her neck in a lot of ways. She did well by me, the best she could. But I didn’t grow up with the family you dream about. I didn’t have friends like you do with the other guys. Hell, you guys are basically my best friends! But Autumn is the first time I’ve felt love, and I will do anything to keep it. Even if it means going a bit feral and possessive, which rest assured, she already discussed with me.”
He snorts out a laugh. “Wish I could’ve seen that. She’s a fireball when she’s mad.”
I grit my teeth, not liking the familiarity he’s expressing about Autumn.
He notices and grins. “She handed both of us our asses when we got out of hand after the basketball game?” The reminder settles me a bit. He’s not talking about Autumn in that hallway.
I nod slowly and chuckle. “Yeah. She’s amazing.”
Tristan is quiet for a long time, so long that I try to find something else to say.
“You’re about to age-out here, and I know you’re scared about what’s out there for you. But I’m here to help you navigate that. A job, a place to live, school? Whatever you want, I’ll help you research, find resources, fill out applications. That’s what friends do for each other.”
“You’d still do that for me?” he asks quietly. There’s a hitch in his voice, and it hits me full in the chest that Autumn was so right. Tristan is still, in some ways, a boy... a scared one who once lost his family and is now on the verge of losing the only other stability he’s ever known. Including me. Or at least he thinks so.
I slug his shoulder, brotherly-like. “Of course, man.”
He ducks his head, putting out his cigarette on the concrete. Using the sleeve of his T-shirt, he wipes his brow, his upper lip... his eyes. I think he’s tearing up a bit but trying to maintain an appearance of toughness.
“I was in love, you know,” he says finally. I raise my brows, encouraging him to say more. “She found out where I live, called me a bunch of names I won’t repeat.”
“I can guess. I’ve heard them before too.”
Tristan looks at me, his dark eyes full of pain and for the first time realizing that it’s true, even for me. “Yeah. She said a bunch of shit and then dumped me. Then told everyone at school it was because I was rough with her.”
I want to stay calm, but my voice is a growl as I ask, “Were you?”
Tristan shakes his head emphatically. “No, I never even kissed her properly. Just hugs and holding hands. She wanted to... do more, but I wasn’t...”
“It’s okay. There’s no rush. Learning to trust someone takes time—especially with your body, but also with your heart.”
