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I grabbed the trash can and carried it with me into the other room. My mom saw the cans and frowned at me. “Alex, you said—”
“I know. I said I’d stop at one and I didn’t. I’m being accountable now, I fucked up. It’s not going to happen again.”
“I sure hope not… you have so much going for you.”
“I’m going to make sure it doesn’t.”
“What do you mean?” she asked me.
“I’m trashing all of it. All the beer, everything in the liquor cabinet. All of it. It’s not going to be in this house as long as I’m here.”
I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I grabbed all the cans from the fridge and walked over to the sink. One by one, I popped the tabs and poured the liquid down the drain. My mom stood behind me for a long time, just watching the whole ordeal.
“You wanna help?” I asked her. “It’s liberating.”
She offered a small smile before reaching for some of the liquor Dad had kept under the sink. With a big bottle of vodka in hand, she opened the top and poured it down the drain.
“You know, since leaving your dad, I’ve hated the smell of alcohol. I never liked when he drank and couldn’t even have a drink with friends for years because it reminded me of it,” she said softly.
She started on a bottle of rum next. A good, expensive brandy followed, and I grabbed it, almost feeling sad that so much money was literally going down the drain until I remembered how it had ruined our lives. How it could ruin my life and everything I had worked for if I didn’t get my shit straight.
I dumped it down with no regrets.
“Goodbye, Dad,” I whispered.
“You know, I didn’t mean it when I said you reminded me of him,” Mom said. “You’re nothing like him. Not at all.”
“I’m trying not to be.”
“Listen, Alex. I’m sorry I left you. I know I can’t fix what happened to you, but I didn’t think he would hurt you and I was too messed up to be a mother to a child. I don’t know why I thought he wouldn’t hurt you, maybe because I wanted to believe he was a good person deep down and would love his son. I don’t know, I just thought a boy needed his father, and now I realize how very wrong I was.”
“It’s okay, Mom. I know you were messed up too.”
“I wasn’t a drinker, but I dabbled in drugs, and I’m not proud of that.”
“I know.” There wasn’t much else I could say. I could tell her it was okay, but there was no changing the past. She was trying now, and she was better. That was all I could ask from her.
“I’m just glad to see you are breaking the cycle, Alex.”
She patted me on the back as we poured the rest of the alcohol down the drain and said our goodbyes.
Chapter 10
Grace
My stomach growled as I fed Ollie his applesauce. When was the last time I had anything to eat that didn’t come from a vending machine, I asked myself. I had thought about ordering something off Doordash, but a quick glance at my checking account reminded me why that wasn’t an option.
I just had to deal. Once Ollie fell asleep, I’d sneak down and get a candy bar or some cookies or something.
“No more,” Ollie said when I tried to feed him another bite.
“But sweetie, you’ve barely eaten anything in days.”
“I not hungry,” he said, his eyes growing heavy.
The doctors said it was normal for him to lose his appetite and to essentially sleep all the time. They were going to give him a feeding tube because he wasn’t eating enough. My heart broke at the thought, but I knew it was in his best interest.
His big brown eyes stared back at me so pitifully. How could Alex not want to help him? I asked myself. Once he saw him, he would love him, just like everyone else who ever met him did.
