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That was a lie. She was right. I didn’t want to return to Denver, and though she likely assumed it was only because I didn’t want to attend my dad’s funeral, there was a lot more I was running from. People who actually mattered to me. People I had fucked over and likely would never forgive me.
“Please, Alex. I have no one…”
My mom knew how to pull at my heartstrings still. I felt sorry for her, even if she had made her own bed, I still felt like I owed her. Owed her what exactly, I didn’t know, but there was a lot of baggage there. In many ways, I was still that scared ten-year-old trying to protect his mother, when it should have been the other way around.
“I said I’ll see what I can do. I’m very busy with the launch of our latest product, and it’s saving lives, you know.”
“I know, you’re doing important things. You’re a good man, Alex, and I don’t know where you got your brains from. God knows, you didn't have the best role models, but I’m proud of all the work you’re doing. But I haven’t seen you in four years, and this is hard for me. I know your father and I were separated, but part of me never stopped loving him.”
“I know,” I said softly, rubbing at my temples. “Like I said, I’ll see what I can do. And I mean that, Mom. I promise, I’ll try to get away.”
“Thank you, Alex. I love you.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
I hung up just as the meeting was about to get started. I hopped onto the call as quickly as possible and tried to push all thoughts of Denver out of my mind.
My focus was on getting my products worldwide.
To save lives.
* * *
“Everything okay?” Rachel asked me.
“With the U.K? Definitely. I think I answered all of their questions on our latest insulin pump, and we are able to supply them, practically at cost and—” I could see that Rachel didn’t mean my meeting. “Oh, yeah, my mother… well, I guess no… my dad died.”
Her eyes softened. “Oh Alex, I’m so sorry to hear that.”
“It’s okay. We weren’t close.”
That was the understatement of the year, but I left it at that.
“Are you going back to Denver for the service? I can clear your schedule for you.”
“You know, I’m not sure I am.”
“You’re not?” Rachel might be my secretary, but we had a pretty casual relationship. She was always free to be blunt with me, and I appreciated the honesty. Today was no different, and I could see it on her face, the way her lips were pursed together, that she was about to lay a truth bomb down on me.
“No. My dad and I, well, things were complicated, and I’d rather not talk about it.”
“But what about your mom?”
“Things are complicated there too, though less so.”
“Well, I think you should go, Alex. You know when Mel’s father died, even though they were estranged, the two of us took time off. If anything, it provided closure for Mel and it was good for her.”
Melanie was Rachel’s wife, and I knew a little bit about her complicated history, but not enough to say how similar the situations were.
I swallowed a lump in my throat and stuffed my hands in my pockets, staring at the ground. “It’s complicated, all around, Rachel. It’s not just about my dad. There are other reasons I don’t want to go back, other reasons why I am staying away from Denver.”
“Sounds like you’re running from something.”
“Yeah, I guess…” Running from my own shitty behavior but running all the same.
“Sometimes the things we are running from become less scary if we meet them head on and deal with them.”
She was right. I knew she was. I had needed to apologize for my mistakes for the last four years, instead I had been a coward and cut off those I loved most.
