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“I know exactly what you mean.”
“So what about you? Think you might have kids one day?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know if it’s meant to be, Anna.”
“Why not?”
“Because, well, you’re leaving. One way or another, you’re leaving.”
It felt like someone had slapped me hard in the chest. All the air left my lungs at once as I tried to speak the next sentence. “You could find someone else.”
Those words hurt. They broke my heart and punched me in the gut at the same time. Tears stung at my eyes as I imagined attending Levi’s wedding to someone else one day, but I needed to say it.
I needed to give him permission to move on once I left.
He deserved that. He deserved to be happy.
Levi didn’t say anything, he just stepped up in line again. By then, it was our turn. He ordered himself a Coke and asked if I wanted anything.
“Just a lemonade, please.”
I reached for my wallet, but of course Levi took care of it. He handed me my drink and we didn’t hurry back to the others. We lingered around the booth, not saying anything for a long time.
“Whatever we’re dealing with,” Levi said, speaking slowly, “we should put it behind us for tonight. For Emily and James’ sake. I thought it was just a bachelor party when I accepted, I had no idea we’d be seeing each other and I was unprepared for that, but I can deal. We owe it to them.”
A lump formed in my throat, but I managed a nod. “Absolutely.”
He took my hand in his, stroking it gently before dropping it.
“Well, we should get back to the party,” he said.
Slowly, we walked back and re-joined the group just as the opening act went on stage. Levi took my hand again as we got closer. I knew it was part of the act, but I savored that touch.
Emily smiled as we sat down in the grass beside her. “You made up?” she whispered to me.
“Yes,” I said softly.
“Good,” she mouthed, turning back to the show.
I tried to smile, but I couldn’t. Tears ran down my cheeks faster than I could wipe them away.
“Excuse me,” I said, standing up and looking for somewhere, anywhere to escape. I saw the bathrooms and made a beeline for them.
I didn’t even realize Emily was following me until I opened the doors and stepped inside and she called out to me. “Wait, Anna.”
She came into the restrooms with me and locked the door behind me. “What’s wrong? And remember, we agreed we wouldn’t lie to each other,” she said, crossing her arms in front of her.
“I’m crying because I have been lying to you.” And I let it all out. “I’ve been lying to you all this time, and I’m so sorry.”
After everything she had done for us and seeing how much she cared about Levi’s and my relationship, I couldn’t do it anymore.
“What do you mean?” Emily asked.
I had to believe that Levi would forgive me for telling Emily. He’d felt as guilty as I had, and besides, I knew I could trust her.
“Levi and me… we aren’t engaged. We aren’t even dating. I’m so sorry. We just wanted our families to leave us alone and stop pressuring us to date people. You threw us that big, beautiful party yesterday and we’ve been lying to you.”
Once the floodgates were open, I told her everything.
