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“Pretending we’re together.”
I nodded and wiped my eyes. “I understand. It’s hard for me too. It’s making it even harder to leave.”
I knew the easy answer would be, “Then don’t,” but Levi didn’t ask that of me. Because he knew he couldn’t do that.
Him being so thoughtful, knowing me so well, just made everything hurt even more.
Chapter 22
Levi
“I’m thinking of breaking my number one rule,” I told Clark a few days later, hoping he might be able to talk some sense into me.
He took a long gulp from his beer and stared off into the distance. “I already know what you’re going to say, man, and I know that even if I try to talk you out of it, it will be useless.”
I finished my beer and glanced at the pens next to my house. Al was munching on some hay. His goofy face always made me smile. I loved that damned animal so much. I loved all of them, even the asshole emu.
They were the closest thing I had to children.
It would kill me to leave them.
However, losing Anna… that pain would be too deep. I wasn’t sure I could ever get over that.
“I feel like I need to give us a chance,” I confessed.
Clark sighed. “You’re going to throw your life away for a woman.”
“I’m not throwing my life away.”
Clark raised an eyebrow and stared at me for a moment. “You going to take your farm with you to Kenya?”
“Tanzania,” I corrected him.
“Same difference. You going to bring all this with you, everything you worked for and built for yourself?”
“I’ll build a new life.”
Clark let out a disgruntled sound, but he didn’t say anything else. I knew he thought this was a mistake.
“I love her,” I said softly.
“You love her? I thought this entire thing was fake and casual?”
“It was supposed to be, but I realized she’s amazing in every way. I don’t think I’ll ever meet someone like her again.”
“You are a lovesick puppy dog, man. She’s beautiful, and you two have fun, but that isn’t enough to uproot your entire life. That’s not love.”
“It’s more than that, Clark. She is beautiful, yes. She’s the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She’s a lot of fun too, that’s true. But when we get together, we just… we work, you know? I can’t explain it, but when there’s a crowd of people, I look for Anna. She’s the only person I want to spend all my time with.”
Clark sighed. He placed his beer on the table, running a hand over his face as if giving him a moment to think of a response. “You know what, man? This is your life. I think you’re making a big mistake, but who am I to stop you? Can you really leave this?”
He motioned at the farm around me. In the distance, the sound of crickets and bullfrogs created a simple kind of music. The clear, mountain air filled my lungs, and it made me feel more alive. The mountains in the distance. And of course, the animals.
I looked at Al. He was staring at me with his usual blank expression. The goats, including the kid I hadn’t had a chance to name yet. I had something here.
“I don’t know,” I said, truthfully. “But I know I can’t just let her go.” I took another long swig and checked the time. “Dammit. I have to get ready for Emily’s wedding.”
Clark raised an eyebrow. “Even though you two agreed you weren’t going to keep faking it?”
