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“Hi, it’s me…again.” Pause. “I…I’m sorry…again. I know there aren’t enough ways for me to say sorry because what I did…” Pause again. “What I did was unforgivable. I hate myself for putting my hands on you that way, and I would happily cut them off if it meant you would at least acknowledge me—” The loud beeping in my ear and the patronizing voice alerting me that Madison’s voicemail is full just cements the fact that she will never talk to me ever again. Honestly, I don’t blame her.
I fucked up.
There is simply no other way to phrase it. I fucked this entire thing up, and I didn’t even tell her my most vilest secret. Bytrying to save us, I pushed her away, and now, after day three, her silence says it all.
I’ve tried emailing, calling, texting, driving by her home on the off chance she’ll walk by. I’ve even resorted to camping out at her place of work, hoping I’d catch her there, while ignoring the glares of her best friend,but nothing. It’s like she’s dropped off the face of this earth, which worries me.
I know she’d never do anything silly, but this disappearing act just confirms she’s making herself scarce because she doesn’t want to be found. She doesn’t want to be found by me.
I can’t let it end this way. The next option would be to contact Rachel, but I can’t guarantee I’d be able to keep my mouth shut as to why we argued in the first place. Groaning, I rub a hand down my face, my long whiskers prickling my hand.
A knock on my door reminds me that I’m at work. I need to pull it together. “Dr. Mathews?”
“Come in, Ms. Vale.” Ever since this debacle started, Susanna has been hovering. Usually, I would find this annoying, and if it were anyone but her, I’d fire them, but I know she has my best interests at heart.
“What can I do for you?” I ask when she enters but doesn’t fully step inside.
“Dr. Turner will be here soon, and I just wanted to ensure…”
My brow furrows when she pauses and looks away. “Wanted to ensure that I hadn’t forgotten? Or that I’m wearing pants?” I finish for her, as these are all plausible concerns.
She smiles, stepping in. “Well”—she tugs at her pearl earring nervously—“yes.”
“All is well, Ms. Vale. See?” I stand to reveal I’m properly clad.
She quickly shakes her head, appearing apologetic for hinting at such a thing. “I’m sorry, Dr. Mathews. I didn’t mean to imply you are…” She uneasily pauses once again.
“Losing it?” I offer with a grin as I take my seat.
“May I be frank?” She steps forward, her wise eyes zeroing in on me.
“Well, I think Susanna is a lovely name, but if you wish to be called by another, I’d gladly comply,” I tease, attempting to hide behind my humor.
She ignores my quip. “Since you’ve taken up with Ms. Roberts, I’ve noticed a change in you. A change for the better. I know this is highly inappropriate, with you being my employer and all, but she brings out a side of you I’ve not seen. She makes you a better…” Today seems to be the day for noncommittal sentences. When I lounge back in my seat, she suddenly appears guilty for saying too much.
I put her out of her misery a moment later. “Man?” I suggest. When she casts her eyes downwards, I know that’s exactly what she intended to say.
“Excuse me, Dr. Mathews, for speaking out of line.”
“Nonsense. You speak the truth. You’re right. Before Madison, I was a selfish bastard with no respect for anyone, not even myself. But she’s made me see the error of my ways. She’s the strongest person I know. I just wish she saw that.” I sigh, feeling the weight return to my belly.
“So what do you intend to do?” she presses gently.
“I’m moments away from setting up camp outside her door. The police can haul me away, but I need her to know I’m sorry,” I confess, feeling utterly helpless.
“Have you thought that maybe you’re going about it the wrong way?”
My head snaps up. “What do you mean?”
“Maybe the reason she isn’t listening is because she doesn’t want to hear you say sorry, but rather, she wants to see it,” she ambiguously reveals, like I’m supposed to know what that means.
“How?”
Her lips tip up into a small smile. “I don’t know, Doctor. You’re a smart man. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
I’m glad she has faith in me because I have no idea what she means. But I’ll be damned if I can figure it out.
As I’m pondering her statement, Ms. Vale softly says, “Seeing as we’re ignoring the rules of social etiquette…your mother would have been proud of you, Dixon. I know she’d also love Madison.”
