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My hand reaches for a journal I’ve been leafing through, eyes taking in the title – The Genome Sequence. An In-depth Analysis - and I turn to the page I was looking at before dinner. They’re still the same words on the page, the same thoughts. No movement forward, no new mind map sending me off on a differing route, no matter how much I try to separate judgements on words written long ago. It’s not surprising, and no amount of me reading my own work will change the facts. Nothing I do makes the impossible possible, and money doesn’t alter a damn thing other than giving me more time in this space around me.
Chapter 3
Hannah
My hand holds the door open for the delivery guys, eyes watching as they bring our whole life into this new space. We didn’t bring much with us, never do. The apartments or houses we’ve lived in have always been furnished, as is this, but that hasn’t stopped me missing all the things that are us. Ten boxes now stand before me, all of them strapped over with ‘fragile’ or ‘handle with care’. I thank the guys and tip them fifty bucks each, closing the door the second they walk out.
Home.
Another one.
I pick up my wine and look out at the late afternoon sun trapped behind old windows. Everything’s framed so perfectly. The wall colours are exquisite, and the furniture is beautiful. I couldn’t have done it better myself. I suppose they had some designer come in and decorate the place before we arrived. It smells fresh, like it’s just been done. And it’s expensive, but I suppose in this building it would be. I never dreamed we’d be up in this part of Manhattan. I’m not sure what I thought I’d be arriving into, but the view of this park is not what I was imagining.
I perch on the brand new sofa, trying to stop myself falling back into the plush velvet. I’ve got to try and get this organised before Rick gets home. I check my watch – not going to happen. I stand again and start moving the boxes to the side of the room. He’ll be whizzing in to get me in about an hour, and then we’re off out to meet his colleagues and their wives. No time for now. I’ll have to do it tomorrow. I haven’t even managed to get shopping yet to grab a new dress. It’s been a whirlwind of things since we got here. Picked up from the plane and taken straight to an art gallery opening, and then the next morning we were taken on a boat ride over to Liberty Island. Today feels like the first day I’ve had any space from the manic life Rick lives in.
Probably because it’s his first day at work.
I grab a shower and start getting myself ready, choosing a midnight blue dress with matching shoes and bag. Simple. Classic. Elegant. And I have no other choice at the moment anyway. I’ll hit the stores soon and get myself ready for all these engagements, but at the moment this will have to do. I slip in my sapphire and diamond earrings and walk back into the lounge. Five minutes. I look out the window again, trying to see him as he comes down the road. He’ll be walking. Always does if the office is in reach of the house we’re living in. I suppose that’s how he stays so fit, or maybe it’s good genes.
I peer downwards, waiting, and take a glimpse of my reflected image in the window. Not bad at all for my age. Yoga and Pilates help. There isn’t a position I can’tget myself into. I frown and shimmy my dress straight, making sure my breasts aren’t too on display. That’s the one part of our relationship that could be described as slightly lacking. It’s not, not overly, but he’s never been one for experimentation, or for me being too obvious in the way I dress. I’m not sure I am either, but after ten years of marriage the need to keep it interesting does enter my mind sometimes. We’re reasonably virile, but apart from the occasional different position, there doesn’t seem to be anything he’s interested in.
Still, my smile lights my face up as I eventually see him rushing the pavements, his eyes looking up at me. I wave and glance at myself again, running my hands down the dress. Slinky. Maybe later I’ll pounce, give him something new to think about. I do have my garter belt on after all, and that underwear he bought for me at Christmas.
He looks exhausted when he finally arrives into the apartment.
“Hey, babe,” he says, pulling me to him. “You look great. Excited?”
I smile and take his bag, shooing him towards the bathroom. We have twenty minutes before we have to get back out of this door. His tux is laid out, shoes by the side of it. All he has to do is shower, change, and then we’re out of here.
By the time he comes back into the room, I’m on my third glass of wine. Silly really, but I need a little Dutch courage for tonight. Everyone will be there. Twenty or so directors from all over the states, plus their wives. I’m a touch on the nervous side of ready for this. It’s always the same. Will they like me? Will I be able to fit in with these women? It’s not the men I care about, it’s the powerhouses behind them. They’re all aggressive, and normally far wealthier than we are. Not quite this time, though. Certainly not given how much money now sits in his account.
“You ready, babe?” he asks, putting his coat on.
“Yep.” I grab my purse and shrug into the fur wrap, taking the last gulp of wine.
“It’ll be fine. You’ll knock ‘em dead.”
“Oh, don’t worry about me. You just get in the good books of people you need to … you know, get into their good books?” He chuckles and pulls me towards the door, hand wrapped around mine as if we’re still sixteen.
“Too much wine already?”
I fake hiccup, giggling. “Scary women.”
“She says, having taught a class of high school students for three years.”
“Well, there is that,” I reply, as we wait for the elevator. “Perhaps I should go freaky teacher on them. Sure that’ll work a treat.”
“Calm down,” he says, pulling me in. He presses the button and takes both my hands, standing back to look at me. “You’re beautiful. Eloquent. Far more interesting than anyone else there. And my wife. Give yourself a kick up the backside. You’ll be an absolute success. Just enjoy yourself. We’re here for the long-haul now.” I nod and fall into him, letting him wrap me up in his hold. He always knows the right thing to say, and exactly when to say it. “And maybe we can start thinking about kids now?” A sense of joy leaps inside me, making me move back to look at him.
“Really?”
“Yeah. Why not? We’re going to be settled here. Happy. And I’m sure trying to get you knocked up will be more fun than accounts and finance reports.” I slap him in the chest, giggling.
“I hope it already is.” He moves in, drifting his lips around mine. “Lipstick?” I urge, turning my chin a little.
“Fucking you is always my most fun thing to do.” He pushes his hand up my leg, making me gasp and wish we were going back to the apartment rather than out. “Why don’t you take these off tonight?” My eyes widen.
“Rick?”
