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I stand and walk around the chair Malachi’s in, fury and desolation mingling to cause aches of unknown magnitude. Pain. It hurts inside. It hurts like it did with Rick.
I crumple to the floor, the black sheet abandoned, and I scratch at the carpet. No. Only me. He said only me. He held me and whispered words, told me it was only me, would only be me if I let him use me and I did as I was told. But now I’m here with Malachi. No Gray. No whispered words or harsh hands. Feathers instead. Soft, soft feathers.
Tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap.
“Why am I here with you?” mumbles from me, as I keep tapping.
I shouldn’t be. I should be with Gray, connected and relishing that. I look sharply around the room, searching for pills. I’ll take some, find him again and make it right. This is wrong. Malachi is wrong. He’s not mine. Not part of me like Gray is. I can’t feel him either, he’s barren of connection like the snow and cold outside.
My gaze lands on him again, eyes like a hawk as he sits there watching me.
“He gave you to me, Mrs Tanner. Put you in my arms.”
No.
My head shakes, body vibrating, as more anger burns through me. Gave me? He wouldn’t, and doesn’t have the right to even if he did. Who is my decision. Mine. My thoughts and opinions.
I scramble across the floor, hands and feet propelling me towards the door until I’m upright. I’m leaving to find Gray. I need him to explain. Need him to talk and make this confusion go away. Everything was right with him. Solid and linked. It made sense in the minutes, or hours maybe when he was with me, inside me. This is – I jiggle the door handle, ratcheting it back and forth – not right.
“Why is the door locked?” I snap, still pulling at it.
“Because I’m still considering what to do with you.”
“Let me out.”
“No.”
“I need Gray.”
My hand keeps tugging the handle, body using everything I‘ve got to get it open. Tears well up in me. Anxious, chaotic tears that threaten to spill if I don’t get out of this room. I need him. I do. It’ll be right when I look at him, feel him on me again.
“I told you not to fall for him, Mrs Tanner. He’s not yours to need.”
A hand grabs my neck, hauling me backwards with enough force that I stumble in the process. I’m not doing this. Not now. I’m too lost again, too confused and disordered about what this is and where I am to know right or wrong. “Gray?” I whimper.
I’m lifted and thrown, brutal hands tossing me towards the bed. My head collides with the bed post, as I bounce and whimper again, and then I’m dragged. Something’s around my wrist before I’m aware what’s happening, pulled taut to painful. I yank on it, head still dazed, as my other hand is stretched away and strapped tightly somewhere else.
“I need Gray,” stumbles out of me again. I do. I need sense and lucidity. Real. “This isn’t right.”
A laugh echoes in the room, as my feet are stretched away from me, gripped and manoeuvred. I can feel fingers everywhere on my skin. Sharp fingers. Malicious. Nothing kind or soft like the feather. Nothing meaningful.
“You didn’t come here for Gray, Mrs Tanner. You came to forget and lose yourself,” he says, as more straps go around my ankles. Cold this time. Metal. Hard and unforgiving. I try moving my legs, scrunching them to get out of this, but nothing gives against the restraint as I pull and thrash in place.
His face is suddenly over mine, eyes focused and amused. “This time you’ll remember losing yourself clearly without pills to lessen the blow.”
“Malachi, I-“
Something’s pushed in my mouth before I can finish. Material shoved deep. I gag and widen my eyes at him, a fear starting to settle over me because of his severe actions. “You talk too much, Mrs Tanner.” I tremble, unsure what this is or what it’s about to become, and watch as he backs off to stand by the bed. “Comfortable?” My head shakes rapidly, trying to tell him that no, I am not comfortable at all. I don’t want this. I want out of this and to Gray. “Good.”
He moves away and disappears from view, leaving me with nothing but my own rapid breaths and more squirming to try to get free. Nothing budges still. I’m like a bird spread wide, no ability to move from the trap I’m in. Music starts suddenly. Heavy notes. I shrink down into the bed, trying to somehow hide from whatever is coming next. Dark notes. Notes that feel full of fear and dread. I shiver at the sound, my body trembling, as I wait. Nothing but the music, though. No movement. No touch. Just this dim light and sound getting louder around me.
My mouth mutters words into the cloth, trying to shout for help. No one would hear me even if I did manage to make a sound. It’s too loud now. Constant. Slow and thudding, sending more shudders over my skin with each unnerving note that lands in the air.
“Are you broken, Mrs Tanner?” Broken? I frown, wondering what that means, and snatch glances in the room to try to see him. Nothing. Just shadows and dark corners. Dark corners?
A small smile tugs my lips over the fear I’m in. I can do dark corners. I’ve already done them. I roll my shoulders a little, sucking in a breath to get some calm back in me. “My wife thinks Gray is trying to fix you.”
I don’t need fixing.
