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I get off with her and start walking slowly, part desperate to drag her into the barns and get on with my thoughts rather than discuss anything. “I thought you’d evolved, Hannah.”
“I have, but I’m missing a part. Disconnected. My thuds have gone.”
My brow arches. “Thuds?”
“Yes.” She chuckles quietly and looks me over, a wide smile coming from nowhere. “Didn’t you feel it? Thud, thud, thud. It made sense then. I’d never felt that before. Not with Rick. Not on my own. You made that happen and now you’ve taken it away.”
“It was just the pills.”
Not that it was. I know that whether I want to admit it, or do anything about it, or not.
“No, it wasn’t. It was you. Us. I can still feel it now.”
As can I.
I look at the barns and keep moving, intent on not discussing anything to do with feelings or sensations that have no business being felt out here in the real world. Especially not here.
“Why would you take it away?” I sigh and take the reins from her, leading both the horses through the doors. “I don’t understand why you would dismiss it.” She comes around in front of me, her hands up in my face as if that might make me change my mind about the scenario we’re in. “Treating me the way you did wasn’t just horrible, it was still a lie, wasn’t it? I want the truth, Gray. Please. Why are you unavailable? What possible reason makes this undoable now were back here?”
Never was damn well doable.
Irrespective, the look of her here, the sight of her heated cheeks from the ride, the very thought that we’ve just enjoyed something together that I have never shared with anyone else, makes me think of possibilities I shouldn’t even fucking consider.
“Goddamn, you’re frustrating,” mutters from me. I heave the saddles off the two horses and steer them into the stalls, slipping the bridles off them the moment I can and closing the stall doors. “Compatible fucking doesn’t mean anything more than that. We’re good at it.” I turn to face her, watching as she waits for other words to help her out. “Shall we do it again? I hate those clothes on you.”
“Gray, that isn’t answering-”
I don’t give her a chance to respond fully. I’m at her body and pressing it back to the stall doors before she manages anything more. My fingers grasp and pull, wrapping her up into me so I can taste reality on her and pour as much of myself into that feeling as I can. She gasps and groans at the manhandling, some part of her attempting to push me off. It’s a poor attempt, as her mouth collides with mine, because I can feel that need in her as much as she can feel mine.
She’s lifted and carried to the dark depths of the barn, doors slammed behind me to keep anyone out that might venture in. Once more. Once more and then she can have all those fucking truths she’s after without anything softening the blow of them. But before that, before the pain, I’m having the thing I want again.
Everything becomes desperate, as her back hits another wooden wall. My hands, my dick, her mouth as we fall headlong into the very thing I should be denying again. I tug at her sweatpants, pulling them out of the damn way, and then loosen my belt and drive in the second I can. She grunts at the impact, her nails digging into my shoulders and pushing the jacket from them. Sweat soaks us both within minutes, our cheeks sliding over one another's in our frenzy. Hard and fast. Angry and frantic. And those goddamn lips keep licking at me, tempting me, showing me things in a future I don’t have.
I lift her hips and rip the sweatpants off her, pushing the sweater up to get to skin that isn’t available to me. Everything’s so torrid about her, so fucking intriguing and necessary for me. She moans again and reaches for my head, holding tightly to my hair and directing it to the taut nipples heaving under her rapid breaths.
“More,” she groans.
More.
It fuels me forward with every inch of pent up aggression I’ve got. My clothes get abandoned, the shirt pulled over my head and the jeans shrugged lower, and she gets pushed and tugged into any fucking position I can think about. Anything, as long as I’m inside her and feeling her around me – on me. It’s fraught, almost damn well panic driven as if I might not get another chance at it. Soft skin, harsh nails dragging on me. That fucking smile of hers that tells me she’ll take everything I’ve got and still tell me it isn’t enough to break her.
The groans and grunts intoxicate the air around us making this place, for once in its existence, seem real to me. I can feel it like I feel her. Goading, pushing, but now guiding, too. My lips soften at the thought, hips slowing rather than punishing her for daring to intrude on a life that was barren yet balanced without her.
She stiffens and moans again just as I bring her face to look at mine, her hands clinging on as an orgasm chases through her. Eyes like slits, venomous and passion filled as she stares into me without apology. Everything about that beauty floors me.
“Gray,” she murmurs, as I feel her vibrating around me. “Gray.”
The sound of that, the sense of hunger and reality it brings, makes the cum race through me until it’s burrowing home and finding some fucking solace that doesn’t belong to me in the slightest. It’s a picture in time. A moment that can’t be denied nor fucking forgotten.
My head drops, forehead leaning on hers, and I let the ricochets of coming ease down across us both. There’s nothing else for a while. Just us, breaths, this barn, the smell of fucking and the sound of the horses moving gently around us. If I could find a more perfect space of time, I wouldn’t try. It’s everything to me. Real, but for the land we’re on, and, for these minutes, truthful.
Love hits me like I never thought it would. Need, lust, care and a passion so strong for someone that I can’t even tolerate my own truths any longer. I pull out of her and buckle my belt again, reaching for my shirt rather than be inside her for a second longer without the truth being out there in the air so she knows it.
She moves slowly, lethargically, as she pulls herself together again. Fucking sweatpants. She shouldn’t ever be in those again. I glare at them and her, annoyed by their lacklustre presence on her skin and struggling with what I’ve got to get out of my mouth.
Fuck it. Truth.
“The women, Hannah. All of them. I did that to them. Still am doing.” She looks up at me, every part of the beauty I’ve just witnessed now marred with confusion. “All me. I screwed around in their minds. That’s what I do. It’s who I am out here in the real world.”
