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“What do you want for that, Gray, a medal for chivalry?”
“Stop being antagonistic. You wanted the truth. I told you.”
“And what, suddenly everything’s alright? You,” my shaking finger points at him, and then back in the direction of the dim lights over there on the other side of these fields. “You played in their minds. Turned some of them insane, Gray.”
“I played inyourmind. I didn’t hear you complaining at the time.”
“No. You are not making this okay. It’s not right. You’re not. I don’t even know what you are, and I doubt I’ve ever knownwhoyou are.” My voice raises in volume, all the pent up confusion finally finding an outlet of its own. “I mean, what is this place? Sprawling mansions in the countryside that you hide from the world? Horse riding? And you, look at you. Who are you Gray? I’ve been fucking a ghost, someone who only gave me slithers of something in the middle of lies.”
Lies, lies, lies.
My hands go to my head, desperately searching for more things I need to say, as my feet pace around. “And what was that ride about? And you bringing me here to what, fix me? I’m not fucking broken, Gray.”
“Red pill? You tried to kill yourself,” he says, calmly.
“I did not try to fucking kill myself!” I didn’t. It was just another pill at the time. I didn’t know it was for that. Who would? I trusted them all. “I just wanted some fucking sense in a head full of nonsensical feelings I can’t manage. And you did that to me, anyway. You were mean and hateful and you pretended that none of this means anything when it does.”
It does to me anyway.
I look at the floor, still chaotic in my turmoil because even now, when everything seems tarnished and smeared with truths I can’t process, my heart aches so much I can’t bear it. My teeth grate, heart remembering thuds and taps, arms around me and lips on mine.
Tears threaten in my eyes. I can feel them trickling over the rims, burning with anger and confusion and lacking clarity.
“And now I’m here and there are children running around at night, jumping out of the long grass after you’ve told me things I didn’t want to hear.” I’m shaking, both fearful and yet desperate for more answers, more of him.
“Child. Not children.”
My eyes widen, body coming to stop about six feet in front of him. “Excuse my fucking grammar.”
He smirks out of nowhere and pulls his hand out of his pocket. “One child. Charlie. Do you want more truths, or are you done?” My mouth opens, then closes, as he holds up my chain. It glints in the small amount of light reflecting from the house, making me remember all the spinning colours and every inch of his skin on me. “I have more, if you want to hear them, Hannah. They’ll hurt, though. Truths always do.”
“Why have you got that?”
“I haven’t not had it since I left you with Malachi.”
“Why?”
He shrugs and walks backwards a few steps, waving his hand at me as if I should follow him. “I wanted to keep a truth I don’t have. It’s good to feel you on me, and more necessary than I gave credit to for reasons I can’t fathom.”
I don’t follow. I stand firm, not able to feel anything other than the simmering rage flowing through me and complete bewilderment. Why say that? If all this has been a lie, why keep that chain and talk like that at all?
One look back at me, his dark eyes telling me everything I should be feeling, and he gives me the most glorious smile I’ve ever witnessed from him. Strong. Intimidating in some ways, but tinged with something other than arrogance. Small flickers of something I got just the once from him. Compassion maybe. Sentiment.
“Come and finish your seduction, Hannah. Might as well hear it all now.”
My feet move without permission, tempted onwards rightly or wrongly.
Chapter 15
Gray
Animated.
Volitile.
I keep my gaze downcast and walk away from her, unsure whether she’ll stay or leave when we get to the house. Perhaps she should leave. It would be better for her. She could move on then, forget eventually and discard a point of her life into the abyss it probably deserves. Doesn’t stop me rubbing this chain though, feeling it in my grasp and remembering all the sensations of her on me. Dark eyes. Dark times. Dark times filled with light and connection, though.
Heartbeats.
