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“Was…” she rasped with an embarrassed flush. “Was I alright?”
“Wonderful,” he replied earnestly, the brief glint she had seen disappearing.
“Oh, good.” She sagged with relief. “Because that was simply spectacular for me.”
He shook his head with a wry smile. “I appreciate the compliment. Now, I think I should escort you home.
**
What in the actualfuckhad he been thinking? Sebastian tugged Kitty closer to his side as they made their way along the darkened paths in the direction of the entrance to the gardens. He preferred this longer, yet more discreet trajectory so as not to venture through the crowd. She looked up at him with a secret smile as they walked, and the rather vulnerable look served to remind him of just what it was that he had done not ten minutes ago. An icy panic built within him. Ruining Kitty had been bad enough, but being so irresponsible as to allow himself to spend inside of her was beyond the pale. Despite the tumult in is mind at the thought of getting her with child, an odd bit of warmth wheedled its way past the panic at the memory of her sweet face, her eyes filled with affection and wonder as their bodies had rocked together into bliss.
“Everyone seems to be gathering for the fireworks show, so I am sure things will be fine,” Kitty said cheerily, obviously noting his distress but entirely missing the mark on its source. Still, the thought that she could see through him enough to note his anxiety was pleasant, even if a little jarring. It was refreshing to have someone he didn’t have to entirely hide himself from. He looked down at her pretty face, taking in her luminous eyes beneath the mask and adorably disheveled honey locks. One of her combs was coming free, and he reached over to push it back in place.
“That is relieving, since it is more than obvious that you’ve been thoroughly seduced.” Perhaps, if she was indeed with child, things wouldn’t be so bad after all. If there was any chance of him falling in love with a woman, it would more than likely be with someone like Kitty, someone who could see through his veneer and wasn’t afraid to call him out on his nonsense, someone he could laugh freely with, someone who wouldn’t even flinch at his caustic tendencies.
“Sebastian.”
My, did he like his name on her lips. A man could get used to hearing that every day. “Hmm?”
“You’re smiling like a fool, and its rather jarring coming from you, to be honest.”
He laughed fully, his mirth only deepening at the perplexed look she shot him. “Just thinking about you.”
She grinned back, a satisfied gleam coming into her eyes. “Well, I’m glad I performed up to your expectations.”
“More than, I assure you,” he replied as he patted her hand affectionately. They emerged from the paths and managed to get through the gate without becoming mired in any crowds, though he spied some men snickering at them playfully as they passed. He could only thank the Lord that he’d had the wherewithal to make her wear that mask. Kitty turned around with a sly look as he handed her into his carriage, the tightening of her fingers feeling electric on his palm.
“I told you I wasn’t completely naive,” she said playfully before disappearing into the cozy darkness of the conveyance.
Plans of another interlude on the way back to her home smacked to a halt as he fully registered the statement, a coldness settling over him as a thought took shape, one he hadn’t thought of for the entire trek back but now reared its ugly head without the woman here to distract him. Kitty had tightened her leg around him after she’d finished, conveniently right when he’d been about to follow. Quite conveniently, in fact. He’d chalked it up to virginal exuberance, especially considering how excitable she was on even normal occasions, but now he wondered just how ignorant she’d truly been on the matter, whether or not someone had told her of the mechanisms of conception in enough detail that she would know just what it meant for a man to finish inside of a woman. He looked back to today’s events in a new light, with his usually fresh analytical eyes: her insistence on getting him completely alone, her refusal to shy away from their more intimate explorations, and the now happy countenance she sported in spite of her even more perilous situation. She’d constantly protested wanting to be his duchess for their entire acquaintance, but he had always sensed a slight hesitation when she proclaimed such, as if the thought of him not wanting to marry bothered her.
Had the whole thing been a ploy to save herself from financial ruin? Sebastian shook his head. There was no use jumping to conclusions so quickly with no evidence. A lifetime of traversing through the machinations of his manipulative mother and relatives had made him more paranoid than most, and he would have to be careful not to jump to any erroneous conclusions simply because of a gut feeling. Barrow had often joked that Sebastian could be less trusting than an East End crime lord at times, and such a fact was another reason he’d had few friends in his life. He didn’t want to lose this strange but fascinating new relationship with Kitty due to his overactive imagination. But, Sebastian thought with a cautious glance at his carriage, neither did he want to be too dismissive and wind up being played for a fool.
Sebastian?” Kitty poked her head out, staring at him in concern. “Are you coming?”
A great war raged within him, trapping Sebastian between throwing himself into her inviting warmth and running away from a potential trap. Though, even if Kitty’s intentions had been treacherous, it was too late to do anything about it. The thought unsettled him enough that he backed away, putting on his best, most unbothered expression and shaking his head. “I have to go.”
“Go?” Kitty furrowed her brows. “What do you mean?”
“My coach will see you home. The driver has already been instructed to park at the end of your street. You should be able to find your way just fine.”
“Sebastian—”
“Good night, darling.” He shut the door in her face before she could say anything more and tempt him into going with her. He needed space to gather his thoughts and fairly analyze their acquaintance before he made a hasty decision he’d regret. The carriage drove away, a no doubt hurt Kitty stewing inside, and he watched it turn a corner with mixed emotions. He wanted to trust her, genuinely, but the nagging feeling that something was wrong overpowered his yearning for her. He needed to think, and think hard on the matter. Sebastian looked up at the dark sky as a droplet of rain plopped on his shoulders. There was only one thing left to do.
He needed a good drink and a ready friend.
