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After going back to the flower shop, I help Rachel, and eventually Payton, close up. It has been a long, stressful day, but excitement still courses through me. Of course, I have yet to talk to Pay about the things that transpired this afternoon while I was out on deliveries.
Once Rachel leaves, I turn my attention towards my oldest sister. She’s closing down the register and pulling the receipts from the bin.
“I can feel you staring at me. What is it?” she asks without taking her eyes away from the task at hand.
“I, uh, have something I need to talk to you about,” I tell her nervously.
Hearing the uncertainty in my voice, Payton turns her full attention on me. “What’s wrong?” she asks, her face pinched with worry.
“I think I’m quitting,” I whisper.
“You think you’re quitting? Honey, you better be pretty darn sure,” she says, grabbing her stack of paperwork.
“I made a delivery today to Addie’s Place,” I start.
“Yeah, I’ve heard about that place. Never been there, but I’ve heard great things.”
“Well, the lady who runs it, Jasmine, we, umm, got to talking. Turns out, her assistant is leaving town, and she’s going to need someone to help her with the center and some of the activities.”
Payton smiles at me. My heartbeat instantly drops to a more normal rate as I take in her relaxed demeanor. “That’s wonderful, Jay. You’re going to work at Addie’s Place?”
“Yeah,” I tell her confidently, a wide smile cresting my face.
“That’s awesome! And I can see it in your eyes that you’re super excited about it.”
“I am.”
“Good. I’ve been waiting for this moment. I knew floral arrangements wasn’t your thing,” she says as she steps towards me.
“You’re not mad?”
“Mad? Why would I be mad at you for finding what you want to do with your life?” she asks, those lines back between her manicured eyebrows.
“I don’t know, I guess I just thought you’d be mad that I left you shorthanded.”
“Oh, don’t you worry about me,” she says with the wave of her hand. “I have a stack of applications in the office that I can pull out. I’m just excited for you! When do you start?”
“A week from Monday.” I pause before continuing. “I’m a little scared, Pay. I feel like I’ve been drifting for so long, not really knowing what I want to do, but finally I have purpose. I feel like, for the first time in my life, I have something new, something that’s mine. Does that make sense?”
“Of course it does. For so many years, you were a Stepford Wife in training. It wasn’t who you were deep down. This is your first major step at finding who the real Jaime Summer is.”
“Yeah.”
“And I bet Ryan is going to be excited for you,” she adds, eyes sparkling.
“You think?”
“I know. Because if that boy has any feelings for you, it’s love. He’ll be excited because you’re excited. Trust me.”
My heart flutters as the word love radiates through the room like the first ray of sunlight after the darkest of nights. An uncontrollable smile spreads across my lips, and my heart rate kicks back up again. Love. Does Ryan really love me? I’ve been ignoring it, denying those feelings that keep warming my body, because I’m afraid that they might not be reciprocated.
Sure, Ryan has told me he cares about me, but caring and loving are two different things. I care about a lot of things, but I only love a select few.
But I’m also unable to deny it any longer. I can tell my head over and over again that I don’t feel that way about him, but my heart won’t let me deny it. I feel it settle in my soul, warming my entire being from the inside out, wrapping around me warmly and completely.
I’m in love with Ryan.
***
