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“Can you explain?” Payton asks, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back against the counter.
“Fine,” I grumble, tossing the towel onto the clean table and turning their way, mimicking Payton’s stance. “We left together. I’m pretty sure we both had every intention of…you know.”
“The sex,” Grandma chimes in with a grin.
“Yes. Anyway, I started to feel ill. I had been drinking a lot and, well, I ended up getting a little sick and passing out in his bed,” I say in one quick breath.
“So, you slept in the same bed but didn’t have the sex?” Payton fights the smile that threatens to take over.
“I had been mixing alcohol and there were shots involved, Dr. Watson,” I defend.
“Oh, I remember,” Payton says, snickering. “I can’t wait to tell everyone,” my double-crossing sister says, grabbing her own cell phone from her pocket and firing off messages to each of our sisters. Hell, she’s probably making the announcement in the group text.
“No sex? You had that hunk of man-meat in bed with you and you didn’t once dip the corndog in the batter? Have I not taught you anything, AJ?” Grandma gives me a total I’m disappointed in you and can’t even believe we’re related look.
“So, you slept in the same bed, but didn’t actually sleep together. That must make working together a little awkward,” Karen chimes in, slapping me upside the head with her reminder of the huge mess I’ve created.
“Slightly.” I can’t help my sarcastic tone.
“Well, you’re just going to have to sleep with him then. That’s the only way.” Grandma gazes up at me with a proud smirk, kinda like she just solved the world hunger problem.
“Yes, because sleeping with a coworker now wouldn’t cause any issues, I’m sure. At least back in July he wasn’t technically a coworker yet. At least, I don’t think he was.” At this point, I’m not sure I trust my instincts when it comes to the opposite sex. In fact, I’m sure I don’t. Not when you look at the long line of frogs I kissed that turned out to be total toads.
My phone starts to chime, letting me know the Summer sisters have seen whatever messages my big sister sent and are now responding. Awesome. Conversation seems to happen around me as I grab my phone. Yep, group text. And Grandma was included.
Jaime: Holy shitballs! Sawyer Randall?! I just Googled him. *flame emoji*
Lexi: Did you get a glance at the goods at least? A hand on it? What size bat is he swinging for the fences with???????????? MUST. KNOW. SIZE. OF. BAT.
Abby: I’m sorry you got sick. *sad face emoji*
Meghan: I Googled too. Yowzers, AJ! *insert gif of ovaries exploding*
Grandma: He just responded to my Tweeterbook post. I’m inviting him to dinner. Tagged you too, AJ!
I glance up to see Grandma’s nose in her phone and what could possibly be pure evil radiating from her pores. Don’t let the sweet old lady charm fool you, folks. This woman is a mixture of crazy, wicked, and disobedient, all wrapped up in a Viagra-laced bow.
The Twitter notification appears on my screen as she grins victoriously at her device before slipping it into her pocket.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, is this really my family?
