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He continues to stare at me, but I don’t back down. I keep my eyes locked on his and just wait to see what his next move is. We’re practically the same size heightwise, but I have him in muscle content. He’s a lean guy, but that doesn’t mean he’s not fit. In fact, I can tell the dude works out a bit, probably just not to my level.
We’re at a standoff, both of us sizing the other up, neither of us speaking. I still just can’t get over the fact that I care what he thinks of me.
What the hell?
Finally, Samuel looks away. I watch him watch his youngest sister as she comes out of her tiny little house, laughing at something Emma says. “Just don’t hurt her.” His words are quiet – almost so quiet that I don’t hear them – but the point is obvious.
“I won’t,” I find myself saying automatically.
The asshole in me usually doesn’t care much about that. Typically, I don’t stick around long enough to see if a woman is hurt or not. Hell, they know the score. I make it very clear what I’m offering before it even advances into the bedroom. I don’t want a relationship. I don’t want to cuddle or spoon. I want fun, between the sheets, and that’s it. Sometimes, if we both agree, there may be a few more rounds of fun, but for the most part, I’m out before there’s even a chance for emotions and feelings to get involved.
Fuck, I’m such an asshole.
My lifestyle slams into me like a fully loaded semi-truck, leaving me a whole lotta breathless and stunned. As I watch Samuel observe his siblings, I suddenly find myself sliding into his shoes. What the hell would I do if I found out some jackass was screwing my sister like that? One night of crazy sex and release. No chance of more afterward. No phone calls except to hook up. No compliments or accolades, except those that are said in the throes of passion.
It’s a bitter pill to swallow.
I hate it.
Damn you, Samuel Grayson, for making me feel shit I don’t want to feel, see things I don’t want to see.
But do you know what? A zebra doesn’t change its stripes. It is what it is, much like me. I am who I am and that has never been a problem before, so no reason to make it a problem now. Even though my gut burns with something that feels a bit like shame, I push it all aside.
I won’t change for anyone.
“Hey,” Nick joins the conversation, coming from the bed and breakfast with his wife. Her hair is delightfully mussed, a smug grin spread wide on my friend’s face, and I can’t help but laugh. “What?” he asks, the smile never leaving.
“Enjoy the tour?”
“Damn straight,” he states proudly. I swallow back something that tastes a little like jealousy and offer my knuckles to my friend.
“I really don’t want to know,” Samuel says, his voice and face void of any sort of humor. “Not only is the house a walking safety hazard, with nails, screws, and treated lumber all over the place, but there’s no conceivably soft or welcoming surface left in the place. What did you do? Take her against the wall?” He looks completely mortified.
“A cabinet, actually,” Nick replies with a grin.
“That’s barbaric,” Samuel adds, trying to act like it doesn’t bother him, but I can tell by the tightness around his eyes that he’s not impressed with random sex against hard objects. It’s as if the only way to bed a woman is in just that: a bed. He’s clearly dating the wrong kinda women.
“I just hope you cleaned up your own mess. I don’t want Marissa to find it and have to deal with it, since you’re unable to keep it in your pants,” I add, turning the grill temperature down.
“We’re in the honeymoon phase. We’re supposed to be screwing everywhere, all day long,” Nick boasts.
“Good thing she’s already knocked up, or it wouldn’t take long,” I say, watching his face contort to one of pure happiness. If I thought my friend was happy before, with just him and Meghan, that’s nothing compared to what I see in his eyes and written all over his face at the mention of their unborn child.
“That’s right, I heard you two were expecting. Congratulations,” Samuel adds, reaching out his hand before realization sets in and he quickly pulls it back. “Never mind.”
Nick and I both bust up laughing. “Yeah, I’m going to head inside and wash my hands,” he replies with a wink before heading off to Marissa’s place. They pass in the yard, her face lighting up with laughter as they exchange a few words before going about their business.
Marissa approaches with a large tray of chicken. She sets a jar of seasoning beside the grill and turns my way. “I can do it,” she says, nervousness on her face. I can tell she’s having a hard time relinquishing control of her barbeque, much like her brother said she would.
“I got it, Angel,” I reply, leaning forward and placing a kiss on her forehead, not even caring that Samuel is still standing beside me. “Go enjoy a few minutes with your family.”
She looks torn, but eventually nods her head. She gives her brother a smile before turning and walking over to where Harper and AJ are visiting. Marissa sits down beside them, the girls instantly pulling her into their conversation. It only takes a few seconds before she’s leaning over and talking to the baby. Nolan is sitting on his mom’s lap, wide awake and just taking it all in. When Marissa starts to speak, his arms start to wave wildly and his eyes light up with excitement.
I know the feeling.
Before long, AJ is passing the baby to her cousin, who gingerly holds the little boy. Her movements are a bit rigid at first, but it only takes her mere seconds to warm up to the baby in her arms. She’s a natural, and for some reason, that thought makes me smile. For her. I smile for her because I can tell that someday, Marissa will make a killer mom.
My heart starts to pound and an ache spreads through my chest, and even though my brain is screaming at me to look away, I can’t. I won’t. Because I don’t want to miss a single second of the happiness etched on her beautiful face. It only makes her glow that much more. She radiates sunshine and happiness, and for the life of me, I can’t figure out why she was put in my path, at this particular time in my life. I’m more of the fly by the seat of your pants kinda guy, yet here I am, feeling the need to stop and smell the roses.
