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Chapter Sixteen
Kathryn
As I head down Main Street in Rockland Falls, looking for a parking spot, I can’t help but wonder, “So, Emma, I was certain we shut the gate. How did you and Orval get in?”
After Jensen went outside to get their four suitcases—apparently, Emma isn’t a light traveler—the pizza deliveryman arrived and we all shared the pizza. It hit me that I had to buzz him in because the gate was closed, as it usually is.
Emma scoffs. “It takes a lot more than a little ol’ security gate to keep Aunt Emma out, dear. My time with the FBI taught me a lot of valuable things.”
I don’t even know what that means, and I’m not sure I want to.
“I’m so excited to see what new things Harper has,” she says, glancing around at the very busy streets, all lined with ladies taking advantage of the annual Ladies’ Night Out shopping event.
“Have you shopped there before?” I ask, mentally slapping myself for asking such a stupid question. Obviously she has, if she’s curious about her new stock.
“Oh, many times. Uncle Orval really likes the racy panties section,” she tells me so casually I almost miss her statement.
I park in the first available spot I can find, just down the street from Harper’s store Kiss Me Goodnight. As I climb out of the car, I realize this is basically the same spot where the Haunted House was set up, and suddenly, I’m blushing a bit at the memories.
When I glance back at Emma, I see she’s already taking off toward the shop at a much faster pace than I would have expected from a woman her age. Jensen told me they’re in their eighties, more than twenty years older than his mom, Mary Ann. The story is Mary Ann’s dad remarried after his first wife passed away. Orval was a young adult then and didn’t approve of his father’s very rapid remarry and essentially cut them from his life. It wasn’t until Orval and Emma’s granddaughter’s wedding that they reconnected after nearly forty years.
I have to practically run to catch up with her. She’s a woman on a mission. “Thank you for inviting me to go with you, dear,” she says, offering me a warm, grandmotherly smile.
I almost snort at her comment. There wasn’t really an invitation. Once she heard I was coming up here after the pizza, she basically invited herself, insisting she come with me to buy some new goodies for the bedroom. I don’t even want to think about what that means.
“You’re most welcome,” I end up saying as we approach the front door. “I’m happy to have someone to shop with.” I’m not sure that’s entirely true, but I’ve been enjoying my short time with Jensen’s aunt nonetheless.
“I love shopping, dear. You’ll see. Now that you and my Jensen are shacking up, I might have to buy you a housewarming gift.” There’s something in the gleam in her eye that makes me pause. I’ve heard all the stories of her gifts on Monday at the Labor Day cookout.
“Oh, uh, Jensen and I aren’t shacking up. He and Max are still at their house,” I tell her as we walk through the door of a bustling store.
Emma tsks. “Semantics, dear. As long as you’re having the sex, then you’re practically shacking up.”
“Ummm…” I pause inside the door, realizing a few local ladies (one being my old fifth grade teacher) have overheard Emma’s blunt statement. They stand there as wide-eyed and shocked as I do.
“Don’t be bashful now. This place is perfect to outfit your bedroom escapades. Does my nephew enjoy crotchless panties? I know for a fact Harper carries them. Uncle Orval just loves them,” she says as she reaches down and grabs my hand, pulling me through the throngs of people until we’re standing in front of a display featuring the product she so vocally asked about. “These, dear. They’re perfect for when you just need to unleash the one-eyed tube snake.” She leans closer to me and yell-whispers, “That means his penis.”
My face burns with mortification. Now, I can see exactly why Jensen’s siblings weren’t too thrilled at having Emma and Orval stay with them. If she acts like this all the time, and even after only knowing her about two hours, I’m pretty sure she does, I can see why they’d prefer her in smaller doses.
“Aunt Emma, are you harassing Kathryn?” Harper says, coming over to greet her aunt with a hug.
“There’s no harassment, dear. I was just explaining how much my Orvie loves the crotchless panties I bought from here, and I’m sure Jensen would love them too. He seems like the type of man who likes to pound the paternal pistol.”
I choke on the very air I breathe, while Harper just smiles down at the old lady. “Oh, Aunt Emma, I’ve missed you,” she says with another hug. “But if we could refrain from talking about my brother’s pistol and what he likes to do with it, I’d forever be grateful.”
Emma blows out a hard breath. “Harper, your brother likes to pogo in the shrub as much as that sexy hunk of man-meat you’re shacking up with does.”
“Yes, but I’d prefer to never think about my brother’s anything involving sex.”
“Fine, dear. What do you have new for this evening? I’m in need of something to help accentuate my girls. One of my boobie tassels broke last week,” she says, doing a full turn to check out the merchandise.
“Oh, uh, I’m very sorry to hear about the tassel,” Harper replies, trying with all her might to keep a straight face. “I just got in a few new bustiers. One has fringe,” she says, grabbing Emma’s arm and gently leading her away.
“I do love fringe,” Emma agrees.
Over her shoulder, Harper whispers, “Go, browse. I’ll keep her entertained.”
I offer her a grateful smile and turn away. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the little spitfire of a woman, but she’s definitely a lot to handle in such a short amount of time. I find myself wandering through the busy store, checking out some of the beautiful pieces Harper carries. There are a few things I wouldn’t mind trying on, but I’m just not sure I can with all these people milling about.
