Page 19 of Pants On Fire


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I turn around to face my ex, sure that my own face will burst into flames at any second. The lie that I started continues easily, rolling off the tip of my tongue so effortlessly. “Oh, yeah, sorry. Forgot you were still here,” I say casually. I can feel Rueben’s presence directly behind me, but I ignore the pull that has me ready to turn back around and climb him like a tree.

Danny looks from me to his old best friend just over my shoulder. “So…you…and…him…”

“Yep! We’re dating,” I declare, hiding my cringe at springing this on Rueben and dragging him into the middle of my lie.

My ex continues to look between the two of us, as if watching a tennis volley, and suddenly, busts up laughing. “Oh, come on,” clearly not buying the story.

Before I can even declare my lie the truth and nothing but the truth, I feel Rueben’s hand slide against mine, our warm fingers entwine for the first time ever. He steps up, pressing his front to my back, and says, “It’s true. We’re dating.”

The smile slowly falls from Danny’s face as he seems to take in our words. “Seriously? You two?”

I nod frantically, unsure if I’ll be able to get words past my Sahara-dry tongue.

“Wow,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t see that one coming. How long have you two been…dating?”

“It’s a recent development,” I finally say, my lips still tingling from the Academy Award winning kiss.

“Yeah, sorry I didn’t say anything earlier,” Rueben starts, his hand still firmly latched on to mine. “I didn’t want it to get awkward.” His uneasy chuckle is ironic.

“No, I get it. I mean, it’s not every day your friend starts dating your girl,” Danny states.

My spine straightens. “I amnotyour girl. Haven’t been in more than a decade.”

He has the balls to roll his eyes. I want to punch them out of his head. “Semantics. Anyway, let’s celebrate! I’ll buy a round,” Danny boasts, flagging down a server.

“No, that’s not necessary. I’m sure you have things to do, others to bother,” I argue, wishing he’d take the hint and leave us alone. Though, I can’t speak for Rueben, I’m definitely not interested in spending the next half hour—or any amount of time, for that matter—catching up with Danny Ohara.

He flashes me the smile that used to melt my heart, and my panties. Now, I find it revolting and a bit nauseating. “I have no one else to bother but you. My plans for this evening was to find former classmates and catch up. I think I found exactly who I was supposed to run into.” Then, he turns to the server and orders three draft beers in an old brand we used to drink when we were twenty-one and had absolutely no extra spending cash.

“So, tell me what you’ve both been up to?” Danny asks. “How do you make dating work if you’re in Tennessee and she’s in California?” he adds, glancing at his former roommate. If I’m not mistaken, there’s a hint of mischief in his eyes. Maybe trying to catch us in our lie?

“Well, like we said, it’s a fairly new development,” Rueben replies, squeezing my hand. “We’re still working out the logistics, taking it day by day.” He shrugs his shoulders and reaches for his beer from earlier. I do the same, ignoring the fact that it’s getting warm and starting to taste like ass, and practically chug what’s left in the glass.

Our new skunky, cheap beer arrives, and Danny insists on a toast. “To old friends, reconnecting. And to you two lovebirds finding each other after all this time.” He raises his glass, Rueben and I following suit, and we all clink our glasses together. The alcohol tastes vile sliding down my throat, but they don’t seem to notice.

“How about I reset the board?” Danny asks, heading over to the dart board to insert a dollar.

Quickly turning to my pseudo-boyfriend, I whisper, “I’m so sorry about this. It just came out.”

Rueben shrugs and leans against the closest pub stool. “It’s fine.”

Adamantly shaking my head, I reply, “No, it’s not fine. I’m going to tell him the truth.”

“No, don’t do that.”

I’m sure my eyes are wide with shock as I gape at him. With him leaning against the stool, we’re closer to the same height, and I can’t help but notice how close we’re actually standing. “I’m the reason we’re in this lie. I’ll tell him I made it up.” My heart hammers and drops into my gut. Danny’s going to have a field day with the latest development. I’m sure he’ll find it downright hilarious that I lied about having a boyfriend, but it’s not Rueben’s fault that I was too embarrassed to admit that I was here alone.

“Don’t.” He brings my hand up to his lips and runs them across my knuckles. A shiver races through my blood, even though it’s warm in here.

“We can fake a breakup,” I whisper, my throat hoarse and my breathing slightly labored.

He shrugs. “We’ll figure it out.”

“Ready?” Danny asks behind me. When I glance around, he’s looking down to where Rueben is resting his left hand on my hip.

“Ready!” I holler, a bit too loudly and practically race over the board to retrieve my darts.

I end up playing Danny the first round, my mind not really on the game. Danny beats me easily, which never happened back when we were younger, and plays Rueben the second game. They chat easily, but to me, it still feels forced. I’m not sure if it’s from their lack of communication over the last several years or the fact that Rueben and I are caught in faux dating hell. I mean, not that dating him would be hell—it would probably be very, very nice—but it’s not real.

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