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He nods. “Apparently, your parents have moles in the backyard making a mess of their garden.”
I look over at my dad, who seems to still be discussing his pesky backyard rodent problem with my brother-in-law. “Is this what we have to look forward to when we get older? Spoiling our grandchildren and complaining about animals tearing up the backyard?”
Rueben smirks. “Well, one day, when we have grandkids, I’m sure we’ll understand why our parents did the things they did.”
“I didn’t mean…”
Shit.
“It’s okay, Cricket. I have to admit, the thought of spoiling grandkids and bitching about moles doesn’t sound so bad when you’re in the picture too.”
There’s that familiar hammering of my heart as I take in his words. He offers me a small smile, full of reassurance and contentment before returning his eyes back to his menu. I, on the other hand, am unable to focus on any of the words in front of me. All I can think about is…grandkids. With Rueben.
That means we’d have to have kids first.
And that prospect actually sounds really, really…thrilling.
Dinner goes well. My family includes Rueben in conversation, asking him about his work and place in Tennessee. When I glance over at Ashley, I can see the questions on her face and written in her green eyes. She’s wondering how we’re going to make this work when I go to California and he goes back to Tennessee. The truth is, I don’t know. I’m scared to ask, mostly because if the answer is nothing, if there’s no way to make this work, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ll be heartbroken. I’ve come to really care about Rueben in these few short days we’ve spent together, and the thought of that just…ending, well it makes me terribly sad.
When the empty plates are collected and the check is delivered, the guys all fight for it. Ultimately, it’s my mom that ends up with the tab and produces a card to cover the cost. “We can pitch in,” I tell her, pulling my own debit card from my wallet.
“You will do no such thing. We rarely have the entire family at one table, and we’re not arguing over something as trivial as the check,” she says firmly before the server comes to collect the black folder.
“Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Hill, for dinner,” Rueben says as we all start to push back from the table.
“You’re most welcome, Rueben. We hope you’ll join us again one day soon,” Mom says, glancing my way.
I ignore her stare and focus on pushing my chair in. I can feel her eyes on me and can only hope she can’t read the war I wage with myself on my face. It’s a horrible feeling, like floating between two worlds. The one I want and the one I have.
Rueben places his hand on my lower back and leads me out of the restaurant. When we step outside, my nieces come over and give me hugs, Chloe promising to call me and tell me how her first basketball game goes next week. Courtlyn throws her little arms around my neck and squeezes. I promise to FaceTime her soon so she can show me her newest baby doll. My eyes fill with tears as I give Ashley a hug. A sadness pulls down on me as I think about heading back home to California. I’ve never felt this homesick before, even after I moved. Sure, I was sad and missed my family, but it’s nothing compared to the dread and regret plaguing me right now.
When she pulls back, there are tears in her eyes too. “I love you, little sister,” she tells me.
“I love you too,” I say, wiping at the wetness on my cheek.
“Mine is hormones. What is your excuse?” she asks with a laugh, dabbing at her own eyes. Eyes that are the spitting image of my own.
“I’ll miss you,” I tell her, pulling her in for one more hug.
“Come back soon,” she whispers, giving me one final squeeze.
“I will. I promise.”
Shawn shakes Rueben’s hand and gives me a peck on the cheek before taking my sister in his arms and walking her and the kids to their minivan. Ashley gives me a teary wave as they pull out of the lot, a piece of my heart breaking a little more as she drives away.
“You ready?” Rueben asks, his warm hand resting on my back.
Unable to find words, I nod, trying to swallow the emotions I’m drowning in as my sister pulls out of sight. I slide into the back seat of Rueben’s rental, Mom on the other side and Dad riding up front. Everyone chats easily as we make our way through the familiar streets of home, but I’m too lost in my own thoughts. I never thought it would be this hard to leave, especially not after I’ve been doing it for ten years.
But this time is different.
This time it’s as if I’ll be leaving a piece of myself behind when I go. A piece that I may not get back. Not while I’m in California. The war continues to rage in my mind, a mixture of restlessness and melancholy. A war that just may have started the moment I saw Rueben Rigsby in that airport.
Chapter Sixteen
Rueben
The moment her parents go to bed, there’s a shift in the air. It’s thick and heady with a buzz of anticipation coursing through it that I feel clear down to my toes. Cricket stares at me from across the table, practically glowing with desire and excitement. Without saying a word, I stand up and extend my hand to her. She slips her soft, delicate fingers between mine and stands, ready to follow me wherever I go.
