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Our attraction to one another is still there. We may have only reunited today, but it feels like no time has passed. No one in their right mind would host a spy in their house after finding them unconscious on their property and knowing they were being watched. I should be locked away or still out there in the storm, not warm and fed, sitting casually on his couch.
Even when we first met, when I was a young woman with little sexual experience, he’d told me multiple times that he didn’t sleep with women he wasn’t in a relationship with. The thought of him being with someone else has me angry in seconds, but the feeling passes as quickly as it comes. If he was with someone, we wouldn’t have done what we did this afternoon. Lennox was loyal.
So even knowing all this I still kept my true self from him. He didn’t know everything, both past and present. Sharing that information could change his feelings. And I wasn’t ready to face those consequences.
A memory from earlier hits me, knocking the breath out of my lungs.
When I got off that plane, looking for you with a ring in my pocket, only to realize you weren’t there…
He’d had a ring.
“I did.”
I hadn’t realized I’d said that out loud. Twisting to face him, I fight my nervousness and ask, point blank, “You were going to—to propose? To me?”
“I was,” he begins slowly, making sure I’m absorbing everything he’s saying. “I knew then that you were it for me. I couldn’t see a future without you in it.”
“But you barely knew me. We’d only been dating for a few months.”
“In my opinion, time doesn’t matter. I would have moved you in with me and put a ring on your finger sooner if you’d been ready for it. I knew the uncertainty of me leaving for missions weighed on you and I wanted to give you more time to adjust.”
Playing with the bottom hem of my shirt, I avert my gaze. “There are so many things you don’t know about me. That I never told you back then.”
“Like what?”
I shake my head, not wanting to shatter everything we’ve built. At my continued silence, he shifts, lifting me onto his lap. I find comfort in his arms, my head instantly resting on his shoulder.
“Is it about your father?”
My head jerks up, almost hitting his jaw, my eyes wide in shock. “How do you know about my father?”
“I’m not proud of what I did, but as soon as we started to spend more time together, I ran a background check. I know your father was a convicted conman and that you were pulled into some of his schemes. That shit didn’t and doesn’t matter to me. I know your heart. I know what a good woman you are.”
My head is shaking before he’s done talking. “No, I’ve done such terrible things. Like father, like daughter.”
“I don’t believe that for a second.” We go quiet, the only sounds the faint pattering of rain and the playing movie. “Is that why you left? Something to do with your father?”
Still reeling from him admitting he knew about my complicated past, I tuck my head back into his neck. I stay quiet, conflicted over how much to admit to him.
I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of pushing down the feelings I have for Lennox. Years of being apart hasn’t dimmed my deep feelings for him. I’m still in love with him. And if anyone can help me fight my demons, it should be the man I’d willingly given my heart to.
Not able to give him the words yet, I nod against his neck. He confirms he understands my silent confession by pressing me closer. That small acknowledgment sends a wave of warmth through my body, igniting my heart. All the walls I’d erected to protect myself when I’d had to walk away crumble with that small hug.
I’ll tell him everything. Soon. For now, I want to soak up the heat and strength of the man I love for just a little while longer. A small weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I stay perched on Lennox’s lap and turn my attention back to the movie. Within minutes, my eyes are growing heavy.
I let sleep take me, knowing I’m safe. Finally.
