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My birthday was last month, and like every year since Ariana’s death, I refuse to celebrate another year I’m alive when she isn’t. I don’t allow my children to acknowledge the day either.
“Your oldest is getting married today, Ari. Like every meaningful event, you should be here with us. I’m sorry you are not, my love.”
Not a day has gone by that I haven’t apologized to her for being partially responsible for her death. She’d knee me in the balls for feeling this way, and she is probably berating me from Heaven whenever she hears my apology.
“You would have loved Ciera. She isn’t a brute like Si and Lorenzo’s wife, Sasha. She isn’t jaded despite being raised in a world far worse than ours. Her soft and kind side is what Domenico needs in his life to balance the ugliness our world brings him.”
My son runs from love because he saw what it could do to a person. I loved his mother with every ounce of me, and when she was killed, I couldn’t shield my children from how it affected me. So, to Dom, love is a curse, the nail in a coffin, and I’m partly responsible for his twisted view of that too.
There was no moving on after Ari died. Nothing and no one in this world can replace my wife. It wasn’t easy, but I managed to raise three amazing kids, though not without the consequences our way of life brings. I’d be a fool to think pieces of them aren’t tarnished by our past, by what I could never get over losing.
“I know you’re not happy with how I chose each of their spouses, but the one thing I’m certain of, Ari, is that I chose right. Matteo may be an idiot at times, but he loves our daughter. He will do everything within his power to keep her safe. Sasha has a rebellious side that mirrors Sienna’s in every aspect, and our boy went through emotional hell to get to where he is today with the woman he’s in love with and who loves him just as much. You’d love Brooklyn, Matteo’s daughter, but you’d be fit to be tied that she is the spitting image of Sienna and will be hell to raise. She’s no ballerina either. I’m happy to give you the good news. Both Sienna and Sasha are pregnant, but you probably know that. We’re going to be grandparents, baby.”
I sigh as I stand back to my feet. My head remains bowed while I stare at the gravestone of my wife’s final resting place.
“Dom has the biggest battle of them all to face soon. I know our son well enough to be certain that he will fall for Ciera, but he’s also fallen for another, and I have no idea how it will all play out. It makes me second guess my decision, but not enough to stop what I’ve spent years setting in motion. Pray for him. He’s going to need it. All three of them will.”
Taking a deep breath, I force the heavy emotions from my lungs and walk away even though I want nothing more than to dig the ground up next to my wife and crawl in the hole beside her.
I am tired of this world, and it is getting harder and harder to stay in it without her.
“Until next time, my love,” I whisper into the wind, hoping it’ll carry my words to the one person that owns me despite her not even being alive.
* * *
When Sienna came homelast night without Ciera with her, I was livid—at the situation and at my daughter. And my daughter being my daughter, staying true to her nature, threw it back in my face that I didn’t have the right to play matchmaker with my kids.
Sienna spewed those exact words yesterday morning when I picked her up at the airport so that we could have a heart-to-heart. She and Matteo took separate flights home because he had to make a quick stop in Las Vegas to meet with his promoter, making it home late last night.
Needless to say, I have to lay it all out for Sienna. If I hadn’t stepped in, she would have never met the love of her life. If I hadn’t pushed her toward him by forbidding her to see Matteo, they wouldn’t be married and expecting a baby. She is destined to become Domenico’s consigliere.
If left to his own vices, Matteo would fuck up a wet dream. It’s a miracle I pulled off getting them together at all. The dumbass could have waited to get her pregnant until after the wedding, but I wasn’t surprised with his proven track record.
Lorenzo and Sasha were effortless in comparison to Sienna and Matteo. All Mischa and I did was ensure they went to the same school and were in the same grade. They did the rest. They fell in love, then they fucked it up. But now that Sasha has a better understanding of her family and her enemies have been eliminated, they’re mending their hearts while growing our family.
“Fine. You win, Dad.” Sienna purses her lips, hating that I forced her to come to terms with the fact that I was right. “But Dom is a different story, and although I believe Ciera doesn’t know why her uncle, or whoever the police commissioner is to her, was looking for her yesterday, we don’t need her baggage. Domenico is already in a relationship, or did you forget that?”
“If Dom and Krishna are meant to be together, then they will be, Sienna. I know them better than you think,” I bluntly tell her, and from how she catches herself before rolling her eyes at me, I decide to clue her in on more. “There is one last thing. I know you’re the one that took the kill shot on Vin.”
“What?” She leans forward in the chair she’s occupying directly in front of me on the other side of my desk in my office. “How? Did Dom rat me out?”
“No,” I reassure her. “The phone Vin used to call Matteo the night he kidnapped you was recovered by the clean-up crew. There was an audio file on it.”
“How long have you known?” She crosses her arms.
“That isn’t important, but to answer your question, I knew the next day.” Sitting forward, I place my elbows on my desk and eye my daughter, pinning her with a stare that I’m sure is part father, part boss of this family. “A consigliere’s job is to tell their boss everything. It’s more than just advising them. It’s making sure he knows even the smallest details.”
“I’m not your consigliere,” she deadpans.
“No, but when I’m gone and your brother steps into my shoes, you’ll step into the ones I’ve been grooming you for all these years. If Giovanni drops dead before I do, you will be placed in that role regardless of whether you are ready. It isn’t your job or duty to decide what information you pass on. You should have told me, Sienna.”
“I didn’t want that on your conscience,” she tells me.
“Don’t lie to me, daughter. I heard the conversation between you and Domenico. He thinks I don’t know half the shit he’s done, but I do. Call it a father’s intuition, but for the most part, I can tell when one of you has done something that weighs heavy on your chest or feeling hurt because a boy you liked didn’t like you back.”
“Can you not remind me of every moment of my earlier school years, please?”
“The only reason you are not in deep shit with me over choosing to keep me in the dark is that at the end of the day, I need to know your loyalty to Domenico will never waver. It’s on you to have his back, even if you disagree with him. You will be the one that keeps this family together when I’m gone.”
