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I was never going to allow a man to treat me that way again.
* * *
“I missyou and want to come home,” Yoana said, just seconds after I called her. It had been a few days since we’d last talked because she and Nathan were hiking in South America with little reception. I gave her a quick update on life in Havenbarrow, the magic that was blue moon, and every detail about Jax Kilter, along with my phone call from Penn.
“I miss you too, but you’ll be back in about a month or so, and then we can find our new normal.”
“With your new boyfriend slash old best boyfriend,” she cooed, making me laugh.
“He’s not my boyfriend. He’s just a boy who’s a friend,” I said, sounding so much like I had when we were kids and Yoana would mock me about my connection with Jax. “Besides, I’m still legally married to Penn.”
“Screw him, the asshole. I can’t believe he tried to drag you back into his life to make a deal. I’m a million percent certain he was planning on kicking you to the curb the moment he got his money. He’s a loser who doesn’t deserve you, but it sounds like this Jax guy does. So let’s talk more about him.”
Just thinking about Jax set my cheeks on fire. He was so gentle with me, and kind. He listened to my hopes and dreams, he allowed me to talk about Daisy, and when I needed to cry, he didn’t call me emotional. He didn’t tell me I was too much.
He listened, he consoled me, and he wiped away my tears.
Even before Daisy passed away, Penn had always undermined my emotions. Jax allowed them to soar and never seemed overwhelmed by anything I felt. That was freeing to me. When someone allows you to fully be who you are, you owe them all of your love.
“He’s really wonderful, Yoana. He went through some trauma when he was younger, so it’s nice to talk to someone who understands what it’s like to carry the guilt of an accident.”
She went quiet for a second, and I knew she was thinking something important.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
“Yoana, I know you the same way you know me—inside out. So, what’s the problem?”
“I just want to make sure Jax is whole, you know? I don’t want you to fall too quickly for someone who’s broken too.”
Broken too.
She thought I was broken. I didn’t know what to say to that.
“You really think I’m broken?” I asked, my voice shaky as a pit of nerves swarmed inside me.
“No, no! Not like that, Kenny. I just mean you’ve been through a lot. I don’t want you to feel as if you need to be drawn to someone else who has baggage.” The more she talked about it, the more she left me feeling uneasy. She sighed. “This isn’t coming out right.”
“No, it’s not. It’s odd, too, seeing how seconds ago you were just cooing over the idea of calling Jax my boyfriend.”
“That was before I knew he went through a major trauma. Look, I’m not trying to stop your happiness. If anyone in this world deserves it, it’s you. I’m just being a big sister, that’s all. It’s my job to protect you. All I’m saying is be careful with your heart. It’s been through a lot, and I don’t want you to get hurt again.”
Just like my previous call with Penn, I was being left with a nasty taste in my mouth. Here I was, finally finding my footing after so much struggle, and now my sister was telling me to slow down my speed toward happiness.
I didn’t want to hear that.
“I hear you, Yoana. I do. I think I’m going to go take a walk to clear my head a little. Today’s already feeling heavy.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to add any stress, I swear.”
“It’s okay. You love me and are just looking out for my best interests, and I get it. I’d do the same for you, too. We’ll talk soon. Keep enjoying your trip!”
“Will do. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
After I hung up, I tossed on a pair of tennis shoes, headed out to the woods, and reminded myself how to breathe as I tried to stop overthinking Yoana’s words. What if she was right? What if falling for Jax so quickly was me setting myself up for yet another trap? I’d fallen for Penn fast. Everything about us had been a whirlwind, and the idea of going through that kind of pain again felt like too much.
