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Max wanted us to come out in two weeks to be ready to work our asses off. Everything was moving so fast, and I hardly had a grip on what was coming our way.
It felt like an odd dream, and I was terrified I’d wake from it any second now.
I chuckled into the phone. “I’ve already told you three times.”
“I know, but I love hearing the excitement in your voice.”
I couldn’t wait to get back to Eres to kiss her. Whenever I wasn’t thinking about music, I was thinking about Hazel and those full, thick lips of hers. It had to mean something, the fact that when the good news came to us, she was the first person I wanted to share it with. She was the first person who came to mind. She was ... my person.
“You are my best friend,” I whispered, chills racing through me as the words rolled off my tongue.
More chills hit me as she said it back. “You are my best friend.”
I didn’t say the next words that crossed my mind, because I knew it would’ve been too confusing and too much, but I loved her. I loved her so much, and I didn’t know if it was just a friendship kind of love or a romantic kind of love, but it didn’t matter to me whatsoever.
Because love, no matter what kind it was, was a good thing. She’d taught me that through making me explore my emotions ... she’d tapped into the love that still lived in me, even though I’d thought it was all gone after my parents had abandoned me. Love was a good thing, and Hazel Stone was a good fucking thing for me. She was the best thing, and I loved her so much it scared me a little.
The last people I’d loved that much were my parents, and they’d walked away and never looked back. Love felt so good, but in the back of it was the fear that it could someday slip away. I wouldn’t tell her yet. I’d keep the love thing to myself and hold on to it as long as I could.
“Confession time,” she said, as I lay against my pillow with one hand resting against the back of my head. “I didn’t sleep that well without you next to me.”
“Confession time. I’ve been hugging my pillow each night thinking it’s you.”
“Confession time. I miss your smile.”
“Confession time. I miss your laugh.”
“Confession time ...” She took a deep inhalation and released it slowly as each word fell from her lips. “I ... miss ... you.”
“I miss you more.”
“Not possible.”
“Always possible.”
“When you get back, can we kiss some more?” she asked.
I chuckled. “Hazel, when I get back, all we are going to do is kiss. In the pigpens. In the house. In the barn house. In the streets. I’m going to steal so many kisses from you to save up for while I’m gone in Los Angeles.”
She went quiet for a second. “You’re really moving to LA, huh? This is really happening.”
That was the first moment it hit me that we were really moving on to Los Angeles. That our lives were truly about to change forever. Shit.
“You realize how big this is, right, Ian? This is the biggest opportunity of your life, and it’s Max Fucking Rider,” she dramatically exclaimed, somehow sounding more excited than I did.
We stayed on the phone that night until Marcus and James came back to the room to crash. After they were asleep, I asked Hazel if I could call her back. She said of course, and I slept with the phone pressed against my ear. We were going to fall asleep with one another, even though we were miles apart.
When I heard her small snores, I let my eyes go heavy too.
20
HAZEL
While the guys were in Los Angeles getting the keys to their dreams, I was back in Eres trying my best to stomp out my nightmares. I’d been writing Mama letters nonstop, looking to get an idea of how she was doing. I assumed they took care of the pregnant inmates to some extent, but based on the knowledge I had on the subject—a.k.a. watching prison documentaries on Netflix and crying real tears during every single one—I had a heavy set of fears.
Was she getting her vitamins? Was the baby healthy with her past drug usage? Would the child really go to Charlie once he got out?
As far as I knew, Charlie was still locked up, and I was thankful for that. What I wasn’t thankful for was the fact that I had no way of knowing how my mother was doing. If she was being cared for, if she was scared.
