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“Will do.”
The moment he left for work, I went ahead and called my doctor.
* * *
“I’msure it’s just a cold,” I explained to Dr. Erickson as I sat in his office. “I made a mistake and got caught in the rain a few days ago, I’m sure my body is just fighting off the virus.” At least that was the lie I’d been telling myself over the past few days.
I could see the concern in Dr. Erickson’s eyes after he ran some tests. The worry on his face made me realize the fear I’d been running from was catching up with me. The medicine wasn’t enough to keep me going anymore. My body wasn’t working the way it needed to in order to function.
“Sadly, Aaliyah, it’s not just a cold.”
He pulled up a chair beside me and gave me a broken smile as he took off his glasses for a moment and pinched his nose. “Unfortunately, it appears everything we’ve been doing has run its course. It’s time we get more aggressive with treatment and switch gears.”
“You mean surgery?”
“With your condition, a surgical procedure is too much of a risk. We need to move forward with a heart transplant. It is the only option available at this time. Without it…” His words faltered and he gave me another fake smile. “You’re getting higher on the transplant list. Your time could be coming any day.”
“Any day, or any week? Or months? Or years…?” I said, knowing I’d already been waiting on that list for the longest time. It had been over three hundred days since I’d been placed on the transplant list, and nothing had come from it.
“You know it’s impossible to say, Aaliyah, but you are coming up close. For the time being, we do need to keep your health up the best we can. I have a few new medications we need to get going in your system. The next step also might be hospitalization up until the point where we can get you a transplant because—”
“Wait, no.” He raised a confused brow as I shook my head. “I have a trip to Kentucky coming up. I am flying down there in a few days.”
Dr. Erickson looked at me as if I were insane. “Oh, that’s not possible, Aaliyah. I’m sorry, but you cannot travel at this time. For one, with your condition, you are at a higher risk for blood clots and sitting on a cramped airplane isn’t wise. Also, you are at risk of infection and being around other travelers isn’t safe. Then there is the biggest reason—you are high on the donor list. You need to be in the area for when the call comes through. I’m sorry, but a trip to Kentucky isn’t going to happen.”
My damaged heart began to break some more. “What?”
“I’m sorry. That’s just not a possibility. Travel is completely out of the question.”
He kept talking, but my mind was already slipping away from the conversation.
For the past few weeks, I’d been falling in love with myself and Connor. I’d been forgetting about my health situation and falling into him. He’d been the escape I craved, making me dream past each day. Kentucky was just another part of the fantasy that excited me, but all of those dreams, all the make-believe came to a crashing halt when Dr. Erickson expressed how dire the situation had become.
Time was running out, and there was a strong possibility that when my heart stopped beating, it wouldn’t begin again.
That reality was too much to take in. I’d been trying my best not to allow it to settle into me, but now I had to face the facts. My time left was short, and unless a transplant came through for me, I was a hopeless case.
I was dying.
* * *
I went back homeand lay on the sofa for the remainder of the day. Maiv said I was able to work from home, but I hadn’t been able to do any work at all. The new medicines made me drowsier than I wanted to be. All I could do was rest and hope things began to shift.
When Connor came home, he walked in alarmed. The moment he saw me laid out on the sofa, he hurried over to me. “Hey.”
“Hi,” I replied, sitting up a bit.
“Still feeling awful?”
“Still feeling awful.”
He nodded slowly and gave me a broken smile that read more like a frown. “God…I should’ve never had you standing in the rain on that rooftop. I’m sure that didn’t help the situation.”
“This isn’t your fault.”
“I know. It’s just that…” He paused for a moment and looked down at the floor before bringing his blue eyes to meet my browns. Those eyes flashed with such hurt that my own chest ached. His lips parted again as he found his lost words. “It’s just that if there was something wrong with you, my heart would break.”
I loved him.
