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My eyes felt like watering because he’d done the same—given me the happiest experience, which I needed more than words.
He kept holding my hands and stared down at our fingers, which were now intertwined. “I have a confession to make to you.”
“A confession?”
“Yes. I knew you wouldn’t fall in love with me in five hours.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You don’t think I love you?” I asked. We hadn’t even discussed the challenge we’d created about falling in love. We’d simply spent the past five hours laughing, diving deep, and connecting. Honestly, I’d forgotten all about it until he brought it up.
“No, I don’t.” He shrugged. “And I’m okay with that because I might have had an ulterior motive.”
“And what was that?”
“All I wanted to do was make you happy, remind you that no matter how bad your heart can hurt, you can find happiness again. You can love yourself enough to find joy in life. You can get back up again after feeling defeated. I knew it would be impossible to make you fall in love with me—I mean, I’m just some guy from Kentucky—but I also knew it was possible to make you fall in love with yourself again. Because that kind of love never strays too far.”
“I don’t think you know how much I needed you tonight.”
“The feeling goes both ways, Red. But just in case you forget again tomorrow, here’s a list I compiled tonight, of things about you that are worth loving.” He cleared his throat and pretended to pull out a piece of paper from his invisible pocket, which he read from. “The way you wrinkle your nose when displeased. The way you dance when no one is looking. The way you nerd out about comics is worth every second of loving you. The way you feel things deeply—that’s a gift. So many people in the world are closed off and disconnected from their feelings. Your emotions live loudly inside you—the good ones and the bad—which makes you balanced. You should love the way you smile. That smile is worthy of all the love. And your eyes, the way they drink people in and are filled with kindness. The way you love others who probably don’t deserve your love. The way you live. The way you breathe. The way that outside of all those things, you deserve to be loved because you exist. Your mere existence is reason enough for you to be loved.”
And just like that, I fell.
I loved him—at least for that single moment.
That night I learned it was possible to love individuals in singular moments. I learned there could be seconds of time when the world aligned perfectly to create a moment that caused your body to be overwhelmed with love for a complete stranger. I’d discovered flashes of love.
We were close now, so close I was almost sitting on his lap as our foreheads rested against one another. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him, allowing me to fall into his body. I liked the way that felt. I already missed the way that felt.
“I feel bad for whoever it is that gets to love you next,” he whispered, his lips almost brushing against mine. “They will never be worthy of the magnitude of love you’ll give to them.”
I closed my eyes. As he inhaled, I exhaled. Our breaths intermixed as our bodies did the same. I didn’t want to let him go because that meant waking up from the dream I’d been living that night and going back to reality.
I wasn’t certain I wanted to live in a reality where he didn’t exist.
“The sun is up,” he said softly.
“Yeah.”
“It’s time to let go.”
“I know.”
Still, we stayed frozen together for a little bit longer. We allowed the sun to kiss our skin as we both worked hard not to kiss one another. Our lips were close enough, but I knew if I gave in, I wouldn’t walk away.
As we stood, I felt like crying, but I also felt an overwhelming amount of peace, too.
“For the record, Red, you aren’t the barista,” he said as the sun kept rising behind us. “You’re not the quirky best friend, and you’re not some random woman on page forty-five. You’re the main character. Day in and day out, you are the leading lady. And for me, you’re the one who got away.”
I hugged him. I rushed into him and held on tight because after that moment, I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold the stranger who didn’t feel so strange to me anymore. I held on and felt my eyes filling with tears as he held on tighter. He held me as if he cared for me more than any other person ever had, as if he’d given me his all, and my goodness, his all was enough.
I’d never known I could need someone I didn’t even know to remind me what it meant to fall in love with myself again.
“Thank you,” I whispered as I lay my head against his chest. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head.
“Thank you,” he replied. “Can you make me a promise?”
“Yes.”
“Next time you get into a relationship, don’t settle for less than you deserve.”
