AllFreeNovel
Share Us
His eyes were on me, and he wasn’t so quiet. I didn’t mean in his tones, but rather his stance. The way his shoulders were low and his lips slightly moved. The way his arms crossed and his head tilted to the left a little. The way his blue eyes seemed as calm as the ocean at nightfall.
Nothing about his body language read “I told you so.” Nothing about Connor was laughing in my face at my stupidity for loving Jason. Nothing about him was calling me a fool.
All that sat in his eyes was sorrow.
He felt bad for me.
I had to tear my stare away from him, because his sadness for me only made my heart ache more. I went to take a long, hot shower as my tears intermixed with the water droplets slamming against my body, and I welcomed the sadness. I didn’t try to fight it. I didn’t try to avoid it. I didn’t try to talk myself out of the hurting. No, I allowed the pain into my heart. I let it burn.
17
Aaliyah
I often wonderedwho the first person was to ever fall in love.
Did they know what it was right away, or did it feel like extreme heartburn? Were they happy? Sad? Was the love a two-way street, or was it a solo affair? How long did it take to get there? How many days, months, and years did they travel before the love arrived?
Were they scared?
Did they speak the words first or wait for the other to do the talking?
In all of my favorite storybooks, there had been an insta-love moment. I loved when a character said they fell completely in love the moment their eyes met. While I’d always been a hopeful romantic, it was hard to believe that would ever happen in real life, yet still, I loved the idea of it all. I loved that it could happen, maybe, even if only in make-believe worlds. I loved the idea that love worked in whatever way it wished. I liked the thought that love swept in at its own speed, not believing in time, space, or constraints.
It showed up sometimes welcomed, other times not, and it filled people up inside.
Then in many cases, that love shifted. It cracked, it bled, it left scars that would never fully heal. It opened a door for distrust, self-doubt, and pain. I sometimes thought life would be better if love never existed because if love wasn’t real, heartbreak couldn’t occur either.
I lately wondered who the first person was to ever fall out of love. Did they see it coming? Was it a slow build? Did it start with small annoyances, or did they wake one morning and realize the love was gone? Did they mourn it? Did they walk away easily? How many days, months, and years did they travel before the love evaporated?
I wondered if losing love hurt them to the same extent it’d wrecked me over the past few hours.
Connor offered to ride back to my place with me, but I declined the offer. All I wanted to do was be alone for a while. As the car pulled up to the penthouse in SoHo, I grew nauseous. Part of me wanted to rush upstairs, pack my things, and hurry away without being seen. A bigger part of me hoped Jason was sitting up there, ready to tell me everything from the past twenty-four hours was a big mistake.
Ready to tell me he had just caught a case of cold feet and he’d run off to the courthouse with me that instant and say “I do.”
How pathetic was that?
If Jason asked me to still marry him, I’d probably say yes.
I didn’t know what that meant for my strength.
“Thank you, Luis,” I told Connor’s driver, who had been nice enough to take me home.
Jason’s home.
It definitely wasn’t mine to claim.
“Of course. If there is anything you need, I’m sure Mr. Roe would be all right with me transporting you to a different location today.” He was so kind to me, and I was thankful for that. I needed all the kindness I could get.
“I think I’ll be okay, thank you.”
We said our goodbyes, and I took a deep breath before walking inside the building. The moment I went through the front doors, my stomach tightened. Katherine sat working at the front desk, and her eyes widened when she saw me. Katherine was an older lady who’d been working in that same spot for over twenty years. She was the face that’d greeted me for the past few weeks since I’d moved in with Jason, one I was happy to know and love.
“Aaliyah, hi, sweetheart.” She stood quickly, and the heaviness that sat in her eyes held guilt. “How are you?”
I gave her a tight grin. “Seen better days.”
“I can imagine. I’m sorry about everything that happened, but Mr. Rollsfield said to let you know you’re more than welcome to stay here as long as you need.”
