Page 89 of Eastern Lights


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“As if you have the time to pay it back. It would take you years.”

Those words were meant to cut me deep, and they did. Just another reminder of time and how mine was limited, another strike to my soul that I’d spent my precious time on the planet getting into bed with someone like him.

“You and I are done,” I said, not showing the emotion he’d come so close to pulling out of me.

He stared for a second, studying every inch of me. He was waiting for it to happen, waiting for me to crack, but I wouldn’t. I couldn’t give him what he’d come for. It was as if he derived pleasure from watching me ache, so I stood strong.

“Your loss,” he said coldly. How had I ever thought that man was who I wanted to spend forever with that man? He was a monster. I’d climbed into bed with a monster simply because I was afraid of lying alone. “I should’ve never even listened to my mom about coming over here today. I knew it was a lost cause.”

“Your mother told you to come here?” Why would she do that? Especially after I told her it was best to cut ties? A last-ditch effort to try to get me to change my mind?

“Yeah. She tried to pressure me to get back together with you and—”

“Do you love me, Jason?”

He paused and arched an eyebrow. “Why would you ask that?”

“Because it appears you were trying to please your mother by being with me.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “She wanted you and me to be a thing more than I ever wanted us to happen. She thought you’d be good for me. That’s why she pushed it so much and offered me…” His words faded, leaving me wondering where his thought was going.

“Offered you what?”

“It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t even worth it. Clearly, this is over. Good luck with whatever kind of life you have left. Leave my key in the foyer.” He turned and left, slamming the door behind him. Even though he left, his words still struck me hard.

Whatever kind of life you have left.

At that moment, I felt nothing but regret for wasting more than a year of my life with that man. I couldn’t believe I’d ever fallen into his arms. The truth was, I had only stayed because I loved his parents. I loved the idea of family. I loved feeling as if I were a part of something concrete.

I’d fallen in love with a lie in order to hold on to the idea of fake dreams coming true.

“You okay?” Connor said, coming into the living room.

I turned to face him and nodded. “I hate him.”

“Good, because I do, too.”

27

Connor

“What in the world…”Aaliyah words fumbled out of her mouth as we stood in my apartment. It was the first time she’d been over since she decided to become my roommate, and the movers were just now starting to bring things inside. She turned around and faced me, stunned. “Connor. What the heck?”

“I figured we should’ve switched bedrooms. This one is bigger.” I’d moved all of my crap out of the bigger room, because I knew it was better suited for Aaliyah. She could easily spread out in the king-sized bed and relax to the fullest extent, which she deserved. Plus, the whirlpool tub was better in the master bedroom, and I figured she could use some peaceful nighttime soaks to unwind from the craziness of her current life.

“There’s no way I’m taking the master bedroom. It’s yours.”

“Well, I already switched all of my clothes over to the other two spare bedrooms so, unless you want me to do that again…which, please don’t make me do that again.”

“Why?” she whispered, shaking her head in disbelief. “Why would you do that?”

“I wanted you to watch the sunrises and sunsets.”

She smiled and I loved that she was doing that. She walked over to the bed, where a large basket sat. Inside of the basket was a bunch of bath bombs, candles, and bags of Doritos along with a variety of snacks. I tossed in some of my favorites, too, to enhance the snacking experience. Plus, I tossed in a few blank notebooks and fancy pens, because what was a writer without a notebook and pens? Then, the television remote, because I figured that was the utmost important part of a bedroom experience.

On top of the basket was a note that read, “Welcome home, Roomie.”

Aaliyah’s fingers grazed over all of the items and she shook her head in disbelief. She then moved her stare to the two nightstands on each side of the bed that had vases filled with sunflowers.

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