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Seventeen Years Old
Present Day
Samuel Walters wantedto be an actor all his life, but things didn’t go the way he’d hoped.
He spent most of his youth in California trying to build a name for himself in the industry. He survived by couch surfing and eating ramen noodles with his cousin, Jake, who liked to party a little more than chase his dreams. If there was trouble, Jake was determined to find his way to it. Still, Samuel was by his side throughout Jake’s ups and downs in life. When Jake messed up, Samuel cleaned up his mistakes.
After one too many packs of ramen noodles, Samuel took a small break from his California life to move back to small-town Leeks, Wisconsin, to save up some money. His plan was to go back out to chase his dream, but it just so happened Samuel fell in love with a woman named Laurie. She was a beautiful, intelligent, compassionate woman. The L in Laurie’s name mainly stood for loyal and love—the two traits she poured on Samuel throughout their story. Yet, at other times, that L stood for loss and loneliness. After suffering from a miscarriage, Laurie needed her partner by her side.
On his final trip to California, Samuel learned that Jake was having a son with a woman during a one-night stand. When the mother of said son gave up her rights at birth, and Jake knew he could never be the father a child could need, he asked Samuel and Laurie to adopt the little boy.
The only parents I’d ever known were Samuel and Laurie Walters, and Jake was the hot mess cousin who came to visit every now and again. When I was old enough to understand, my parents told me about Jake and my adoption. About how we were all family, but it just looked a little different than others. My biological mother's name and story were the only missing keys to my life.
So many parts of me reminded me of my father. Even though we didn’t share the same blood, I was my father’s son.
I, Aiden Walters, wanted to be an actor all my life, and things went the way I’d hoped.
I grew up watching all the classic films with my father. By age five, I could quoteCasablanca. By age seven, I knewIt Happened One Nightinside out. When I was eight and told my dad I wanted to be an actor, he cried. To this day, I still couldn’t tell if it was from happiness or sadness. Maybe a little bit of both. He always said he had to give up his acting dream to raise me, and even though he said he had no regrets, I could tell he saw his own dreams coming to life as my career took off. That was why he was so hands-on with my acting journey. He was determined to have it go the way he’d always wanted his to go. Which was why he was struggling with the current situation I’d presented him with.
My father appeared to be suffering from heatstroke even though we were sitting in a room with the air-conditioning blasting.
“Wait, wait, wait, time-out. Rewind. You just won an Emmy, Aiden,” Dad remarked as he stormed around our rental apartment in Los Angeles. “An Emmy! Acting roles are flying in weekly for you. There are a lot of opportunities to take you to the next level. How did you decide this was the moment you wanted to take a break? No way.”
“I actually think it’s a great idea,” Mom said as she sat beside me on the couch. “He’s been working hard for almost a decade.”
Dad grumbled. “But he just broke out, Laurie. There’s a difference between working hard and succeeding. He’s only now found success. Now’s the time to dig our heels in before he rockets off to the next level.”
“Or he can go back to Leeks and finish his senior year with his best friend. I’m sure that’s important to him. Right, Aiden?”
Dad waved it off. “High school can be finished anywhere. Homeschooling has been working great this past year! He’s a straight A student.”
“It’s not about the grades. It’s about the experience,” Mom argued. When it came to my work life or my mental health life, my mother was always going to choose the latter. “He can’t go back and relive his senior year at school, but he can get other movie roles.”
“I’ll still fly back for movie auditions if I have to,” I insisted. “And if a big role comes up, the role of my dreams, I’ll take it, Dad. I just…” My voice began to shake because I saw the disappointment in his eyes. Eyes that I often dreamed looked like mine. “I, um, I…” I began to stutter as my words tangled in my throat. I combed my hands through my messy brown hair and tried not to sound like a rambling fool.
I had an unbelievably strong fear of letting my parents down. I felt myself breaking into a sweat as I tried to make my father understand my point of view. I hadn’t even known why I was so nervous. It was just that while I was good at acting, it didn’t mean I was happy with it. I felt sadder than someone with my level of success should’ve felt.
I oftentimes had a lot of thoughts that weren’t worthy of being thought. In my emotion-based mind, they made sense, but logically? Most of the things I worried about were ridiculous.
That didn’t mean I still didn’t worry, though.
Worrying was one of my strongest traits, and hiding my worries from others was my second strongest. Half the time, people could be sitting right beside me, and they wouldn’t have a clue I was in a full-blown panic attack.
I once got interviewed and was asked how I could dive so deeply and intimately into the mentally unstable character I was playing.
A part of me wanted to shout from the rooftops that it was easy to play myself in a role.
My father stared at me as if I were seconds away from ripping his heart out. Perhaps, I was.
Over the years, I had an irrational fear that if I let my parents down, they wouldn’t love me anymore. It was an intrusive thought with no backing. I hated when those thoughts won. It felt as if you were beaten by your worst fears, which then, in turn, forced you to surrender to them. Logically, I knew my parents would never love me any less if I let them down. If anything, my mom made it clear she’d probably love me even more.
“He wants to be a kid for one last time, Samuel,” Mom finished. “I support that decision. Frankly, you should, too. He’s worked hard and should have a say in where his life goes next. Regardless of what you think, Aiden is going back to Leeks to finish the school year, and then we’ll see what he wants to do next.”
Okay, maybe one of my parents noticed my full-blown panic.
Only two people in my life could truly read me. Thankfully, my mother was one of them.
Mom was the most beautiful woman in the world. A stunning Black woman with auburn curls that reached her lower back. Her wide smile made everyone who received it smile in return. Mom’s smiles felt like a blanket straight from the dryer—comforting and filled with warmth. Her brown eyes were packed with sincerity and love. When she laughed too hard, she’d hiccup. And when she felt her son shutting down? She’d speak up for him.
