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Aiden:Please. Answer the phone. I saw the articles. They’re bullshit.
Aiden:You’re perfect. They’re idiots and haters and trolls.
Aiden:Please, answer. Hails. Please.
Aiden:I’m coming home on the first flight out. I’m coming.
I headedhome that day to find my parents speaking with Laurie in our living room. The second they saw me, it was clear that they, too, had read the online articles.
Dad shot to his feet. “Cinderella,” he started.
I shook my head. “I’m fine. I’m going to study.”
“Baby girl,” Mama began, but I didn’t give them a chance to continue. I shot to my bedroom and locked the door behind me. I collapsed onto my bed and cried into my pillows. Every inch of me ached. My head was pounding from crying for so long and so hard.
“Cinderella, we’re going to give you the space to feel what you have to feel for a few hours, but then I promise you, I am going to kick this door down and hold you,” Dad said from outside my door.
He meant it, too.
I unlocked my door and had dinner with my parents. I could almost feel their concern as Mama made my plate for me. Why did she put so much food on my plate? I didn’t need that much food. I shouldn’t have been eating that much. My hands sat in my lap as I stared at the mountain of food Mama was giving me as the words of the strangers around the world echoed in my ears.
Fat ass.
Disgusting.
He’s cheating on her.
Did you see the size of her thighs?
The dinner conversation was fine, and I told them I was okay. I had to tell them that. Otherwise, they would’ve worried and felt bad. I didn’t want them to feel bad. It wasn’t their fault that my body looked the way it did.
After dinner, I went to the bathroom attached to my bedroom and stared at myself in the mirror. I took off my T-shirt and slid out of my sweatpants. I stood there in my bra and panties as tears rolled down my cheeks. My hands moved across my body, across my skin, and gripped the extra weight. I pinched it, I bunched it up, I hated it. I hated it. I hated it.
Me.
I hated myself.
Fat ass.
Disgusting.
He’s cheating on her.
Did you see the size of her thighs?
I pulled out the scale from under the sink and dusted it off. I stepped onto it. Two hundred and forty-five pounds. I was two hundred and thirty when the school year started, not that long ago. How did that happen?
Fat ass.
Disgusting.
He’s cheating on her.
Did you see the size of her thighs?
I threw up.
I hugged the toilet seat as everything inside me came up. I threw up until I was dry heaving. Until my eyes watered. Until everything felt dizzying.
