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Bea
My lips, no, my whole body, my soul is pulsing from the kisses we shared, crackling, sparkling and dancing inside me. And now I’m about to go for a ride on his motorcycle. After more than fifteen years I’ll feel that rumbling, thundering freedom again. And I already know it’s something I will never forget, even though it hasn’t even happened yet. I knew my dad was watching over me today. I knew he brought me together to this man. So nothing can go wrong.
We take the time to say goodbye to Lily, but she was slow dancing with Eagle to a pretty fast song, and told me to just have fun. That I deserve.
And I do.
He takes my hand as we exit the club and leads me to his bike.
“Where to?” he asks, as we reach it.
The stars in the night sky are reflected perfectly in the chrome parts. I give him my address and I have every intention of inviting him up once we get there. He lifts the seat and takes his jacket out, a heavy-looking black leather that reminds me so much of the one my dad wore, a knot twists my stomach. But it’s not a painful memory, it’s a good one, because until this moment I hardly remembered the jacket he wore.
A tiny voice inside my head tells me I should maybe ask for a helmet, as I mount the bike behind him, but then the beast rumbles to life beneath me and I wrap my arms around his waist just in time before we speed off the parking lot. My hair is trailing behind me in the wind, one with the night air and his body is so solid, so perfect, and so safe I know I have nothing to worry about.
This is what my life is supposed to be. Not hiding in my childhood bedroom, not fearing to pull up the blinds in my own home.
I am supposed to live wild and free, I was born for this, this ride, this exhilarating, this excitement that just builds and builds as the tires eat up the pavement on the way to my condo.
We reach it much too soon for my liking.
The last time I checked the time it was two AM and Lily was just ordering the drinks. It’s almost five now. The sun will be coming up soon, and I’ll watch it in Ash’s arms, through a wide open window, the shades drawn tight. It’s been awhile since I was with a man. The last guy I dated was so not my type, I broke up with him just as he asked for a second date.
Almost all the windows of the buildings that make up the complex where I live are dark, and the rumbling of his bike echoes off into the early morning silence, but slowly, as though it’s reluctant to go.
He reaches under his jacket and wraps his arms around my waist. The kiss he gives me is like an explosion of light and sound in the silent night, like fireworks, only in my soul.
“Let’s go up,” I whisper as we break to take a breath.
“You sure?” he asks.
“You’re not?” I counter, not feeling anything other than confusion. How can he not be? His kisses, his hands on my butt, his hard cock throbbing enough that I feel it through the thick fabric of his jeans. How can he not want what I want?
“I don’t want to rush into anything and mess it up.” He sounds more honest and vulnerable than anything I’ve ever heard.
“I don’t think we can mess it up,” I whisper and kiss him again. This one lasts and lasts, sweeter than the last, deeper and by the time I’m looking into his eyes again I think I can hear the first birds waking up in the forest just beyond my building.
“Are you sure now?” I ask and he just nods. So I take his hand and lead him to my front door, then up the stairs, moving at three times the normal speed yet feeling lighter than air. I’ve never belonged in my life, in this world the way I do right now.
I usually lock the door twice when leaving, but it opens after half a turn of the key. An alarm goes off in my head, but it’s quickly stifled by Ash’s strong presence and knowing I was pretty well buzzed by the time Lily and I left for the club. Could be I just forgot to lock the door. How I wish my life would go back to those carefree times before locking all doors firmly was always at the top of my brain.
I turn on the light as I enter, a silky white light washing over the living room, making the white sofa and the silver legs of the dining table and chairs glow. I love that effect.
“Why don’t you get us a couple of drinks,” I say, pointing at the kitchen. “I’ll just be a second.”
I tried on at least ten different outfits before settling on the green dress and my bedroom is a mess because I just let the rest lie where they fell, since Lily was due at any minute. I doubt Ash would care about the mess, but first impressions are first impressions.
Ash grins and walks to the kitchen island and I make my way down the dim corridor to my bedroom, my stilettos clicking against the floorboards and echoing in the silence. Enough of the living room lights permeate here that I don’t have to turn on the light. The bedroom door is closed almost all the way, but not quite even though I’m fairly certain I shut it all the way so Lily wouldn’t see the mess inside. I like being neat and don’t like people seeing when I’m not.
I open the door and flip on the light. Then take a few steps back, gasping for air, my whole body feeling like I’ve just been struck by a wrecking ball and I’m still in that moment before the pain hits.
The room is neat, the bed made. It smells of roses and the word SLUT is written in what looks like blood above the bed. My knife, my missing kitchen knife, is laying on the pillows covered in blood to.
I don’t feel like I’m standing in the doorway of my bedroom. I feel like I’ve stumbled into a horror movie, a bad one.
Feeling returns to my legs in a whoosh, along with all the fear of being watched, being stalked, not feeling safe anywhere in this world. It hits me all at one, years and years of it, and I barely see anything as I run out of the apartment, sobbing as I run along the landing and down the stairs.
“Bea, wait,” Ash yells, right before he catches me in his strong, safe arms. Even in my panic, I know it’s safe to stop now that he’s holding me. He turns me around, his whole face, but especially his eyes full of concern. Confusion too, but mostly concern.
