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“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” I’ve asked him about all this often enough over the years. Mostly at Lily’s insistence, since she’s always been obsessed with everything Native. But he always shut me down with some version of, “There’s nothing to tell,” or, “This whole country is our home.”
He shrugs and nods a couple of times like he’s trying to decide what to tell me. He’s fucking with me, he’s gotta be. He’s probably just making this whole thing up. He’s always had a weird sense of humor, my dad did.
“Because you were already too close to Lily, and I didn’t want you to get any closer,” he finally says. “Knowing you’re most likely from the same reservation would do that. It might also mean you’re related. Though I think I did check that with Rose before…” he lets his voice trail off and clears his throat nervously. I’m glad, since I don’t want to imagine him with Lily’s mom any more than I already have to now.
“It wouldn’t have changed a damn thing,” I snap. “That stuff only meant something to Lily, not me.”
“It would’ve brought you closer,” he says, chuckling again. “Don’t you remember how you used to pester me with questions about it? But I knew you were asking because of her, so I kept my mouth shut. For your own good. Besides there’s no reason you should know any of that sad history. I forgot most of it, anyway.”
Of all the things I expected him to say to me today, this wasn’t even on my radar. I lean back, open my mouth a few times, but close it right back up when nothing comes to mind. He’s not wrong. Knowing all this would’ve brought me closer to Lily. But how much closer did I have left to go?
“But she’s gone now, so it doesn't matter if you know,” he says. “She’s the kind of woman that’ll make a man do stupid things. I don’t want you to do stupid things.”
“I doubt she’d make me do anything stupid enough to get locked up for the rest of my life,” I counter.
It wasn’t a woman that landed him in here, not directly. Not his anyway. Actually, it was his buddy Fish’s woman. Fish is the one who should be sitting in here instead of him. To make it up to my dad, he even took me in for awhile before he got himself killed when I turned twelve. The woman packed up and left after that. We don’t talk about it, and the anger in my father’s eyes now is a huge part of the reason why.
“I want what’s best for you,” he says. “Always have. Even if I couldn’t be there with you day in and day out, I’ve always looked out for you. The Devils are your people. Like they are mine. That’s all you need to know. But don’t think for a second that Cross would’ve accepted you as his son-in-law. The man’s fair, but he draws thick lines in the sand. And that would’ve been one of them. I’m sure.”
“Nothing to worry about there, anyway,” I say. “She rejected me last night, so that’s that.”
He had more to say, but I shocked him into silence. For a split second.
“What did you do?” he asks breathlessly.
“What I should’ve done ages ago,” I say and for the first time since it happened, I know that for the fact that it is. It was hard staying away from her before I tasted her, now it might be impossible. “I kissed her.”
“You are such a fool, Eagle,” he says with an exasperated sigh and runs his fingers through his hair again.
“And I’d do it again,” I add.
He shakes his head and smiles, of all things. “You want what you want, is that it?”
“Something like that, yeah,” I say.
Not that anything can come of it. But at least I can stop pretending.
“So what am I? Sioux like her?” I ask and watch my father’s face tighten in a pained grimace.
“Crow,” he says. “We’re Crow. And they don’t like to be called Sioux. But don’t ask me anything more. I left that sorry life as soon as I could and never looked back. I only went back twice. Once when my mother died and then when my father got sick. I didn’t stay long either of those times.”
“And what’s our family name?” I ask. “I assume it’s not really Black, is it?”
He looks at me pointedly, not saying anything for a couple of seconds. I keep on looking at him just as pointedly.
“Your name is Black,” he says. “That’s all you need to know. Trust me, it’s better that way.”
I’ve encounter my fair share of discrimination and hatred of the Natives. And questions and whatnot about Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse at that. The fact that I have an English last name never did anything to change that. I won’t bother explaining that though, since he knows it very well.
“Just tell me,” I finally say, since it’s starting to look like he’s not gonna.
“Black Thunder is our family name,” he says. “And how does it help you to know that?”
I lean back in my chair and give him the same mocking, half smile he’s giving me. “Might be it’s time I connected with my heritage too. And meet some of my own long lost relatives.”
He jerks like he’s about to jump to his feet, but stops just short of it, glaring at me. “Don’t you go after her. You just keep your head down and do what’s best for the MC and Cross.”
Spittle is flying from his mouth and his dark grey eyes are bulging out.
