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But it’s Eagle by my side as I create some distance between the crowd and us.
People are shouting again, refusing to leave, and the chief is getting angry. I can hear it in his voice as he continues urging them to disband over his radio.
“No, you pigs! We’re doing a good thing here and we’re not leaving!” Josh’s slightly squeaky voice sounds. His hair is flying wild and his eyes are reflecting the police lights, making him look impassioned at best, but more like deranged. He grabs a half-full bottle of water and throws it at the approaching cops.
And then all hell breaks loose. Others start throwing things too, anything they can get their hands on, and the cops are being none too gentle in retaliating.
The cop Josh targeted has him on the ground in no time, and is kneeling on his back as Josh struggles futilely to avoid being handcuffed. Others around him are already suffering the same fate. It’s only those who have been with me from the start on the ground. The rest have fled or are in the process of fleeing.
Smoke is rising thick from the torches the cops are putting out.
I try to make a run for the stairs, to finish this, to do what I planned and chain myself up. But Eagle’s arms are suddenly a vice around me, and thrash as I might I can’t get him to let go.
“What the hell are you doing?” I demand as he starts dragging me away into the darkness behind the rec center.
“Look at it,” he huffs. “It’s gone bad. You have to leave!”
I’m trying to pry his arms off me with all my strength, but it’s doing nothing. “I’m not leaving, Eagle! Let me go!”
I wish he’d hold me this tight under normal circumstances, but I’m not thinking that right now. Not really. Just sort of. He’s so damn strong. When did he get this strong?
“Let me go, Eagle!” I shout. “Right now!”
We’re almost all the way at the edge of the parking lot. All my friends are down. And I’m running away? Never gonna happen.
He’s breathing hard from the effort of pulling me away, since I’m thrashing around so much, but he’s not letting go. Or saying anything.
Then he stumbles and loosens his grip just enough so I can finally tear myself free.
I turn to him, breathing hard. “What the fuck was that?”
He looks lost, and mad, and sad all at the same time. “I don’t want you to get hurt. Or locked up.”
I scoff. “I’m not a fucking coward, Eagle. I have my beliefs and they’re strong. I’m willing to sacrifice everything for them. Not that I expect you to understand that. You don’t care about a damn thing.”
I pause to take a few deep breaths. He’s looking at me like he can’t believe what I just said. And like he knows I’m not talking about just this rally tonight, but everything. Mainly the way he refuses to embrace who he is.
“I’m going back there,” I say. “And I want you to leave me alone. Stop following me. Stop trying to protect me. Ever. I don’t need it, and I don’t want it. We’re done.”
He opens his mouth like he’s gonna say something but doesn’t and forgets to close it.
I shake my head in disgust and stride back to my friends. I wanted him to say something back. To tell me I’m wrong. To fight for me, fight against what I’m saying. But I didn’t really expect him to. I did kind of expect him to follow me though, but he doesn’t. I wish he would.
But even more than that, I wish him following would make a difference.
It wouldn’t.
We want different things and always will.
We’re not from the same world.
* * *
EAGLE
She’s right. I should just let her go, forget we were ever friends. Forget that I’ve wanted her to be mine for years now. Forget that I can’t stop thinking about her every fucking waking moment.
Yeah, like that’s gonna happen.
