Page 64 of Self Control


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Before she could make a decision, fate made one for her as her phone started ringing. She picked it up from its facedown position on the bed and saw that it was Caspar calling.

“Hello?” she said as she accepted the call.

“Hi…Uh, hi,” he stuttered. “I wasn’t expecting you to actually pick up the phone.”

“Well, I did. Was there something you needed?” she asked as she heard him shuffling on the other side of the phone. “Are you okay? Is your foot still doing good?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I was just making something in the kitchen, and I thought about you. I know Dexter said you were okay, and you said so yourself, but I just wanted to check in again myself.” She heard more shuffling before the sound stopped on the other side. “That is, unless I’m bothering you? I probably shouldn’t have called—"

“No!” she shouted before she winced, worried that she might have startled Jezebeth awake. She took a deep breath before she lowered her volume, “It’s okay that you called. I’m glad you did, actually.”

Caspar was so silent on the other side of the phone that she almost thought her phone had died mid-call.

“I was just thinking about you,” she admitted, biting her lip, “so I’m glad you called. I wanted to talk to you.”

“About what?” he murmured.

“About our kiss, and the morning after it. I didn’t realize Renly was telling all of you to stay away from me, apparently. We talked the next morning and he told me about his feelings about me,” she explained.

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him that it can’t be just him that I choose. If I’m going to be with you, or him for that matter, I don’t want just one of you. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us if I decided to date one of you while still having feelings for the others.”

She closed her eyes. There. She said it. She just told the boy she literally just kissed a day ago after killing someone in front of him two days prior that he’s not the only one she wanted to see. She didn’t know what was scarier, his reaction to her killing or the silence over the phone right then.

“But you’ll chose eventually,” he said, defeat in his voice.

She opened her eyes and sat up to cross her legs into a pretzel, taking the phone with her until she could set it on the edge of her knee.

“I don’t think so, Caspar. I want an arrangement with all of you where you’re all…with me,” she said awkwardly. She had never had to explain it out loud before.

“Am I supposed to see someone else, too?”

“I would prefer that you didn’t. I know it sounds selfish and I know that it isn’t fair for me to say that. I want you all to myself, Caspar. I’m just getting to know you, and I know mentioning wanting to be with the other’s probably sounds crazy. I don’t want to share you with someone else, though.”

“I don’t know what to say other than that I want you too, Mykie. I don’t know if the others will agree with it, but I had already accepted that I wouldn’t be able to keep you to myself for long, even after our kiss. It was only going to be a countdown until you moved on to someone else. I promised I’d be here for you and with you always, though. I’m sticking to that.”

That was probably the most supportive thing she could have heard from one of them as she let out a sigh of relieve. “Renly said that he accepted it, too. I don’t believe after what he told you guys before that he’s telling the truth.”

Caspar let out a breath. “I don’t know what to think of Renly right now. Ever since he met you, he’s been acting differently. I haven’t known him as long as the others, but I’ve never heard him tell them that he’s had ‘dibs’ on a girl. I hope for this budding relationship’s sake that he just likes you so much that he was being possessive. Are you really sure that you want him?”

“Yes. I really hope this works, Caspar. I…I just feel so many things for you guys. It’s a different feeling for you all, but I know I what I’m feeling is romantic. It’s like having to pick between my favorite purse or my favorite dinner meal.”

“Those aren’t remotely the same thing.”

“Exactly. They aren’t comparable, but I want them both to be a part of my life because they’re my favorite.”

Caspar seemed to be thinking for a moment before he spoke again. “I think I understand. If trying to be with us all means I get to have a chance with you, I will accept it. I want you happy, no matter what.”

“You don’t think it will ruin the friendship you have with Renly and Corbus?” she asked, biting her lip.

“I’ve told you before. At the end of the day, they aren’t my friends. I won’t have any hard feelings if they hate me.”

Her worry only increased. He was right. The others were closer to each other. What if the other boys hated each other? Corbus already seemed afraid of what Renly thought of him.

She shook off the feeling. As long as everyone was in the know, it shouldn’t be a problem, right? Communication between them all will keep everything running smoothly. She had watched so many of these relationships in the Cantil that she felt like an expert on how they worked. Except, you know, the starting part.

“Hey, I’m really sorry, but do you mind if I let you go now that my food is almost out of the oven?” Caspar asked, bringing her out of her musings.

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