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“Crosby.”
“Leela. You know your deepest darkest wish is to tell everyone to fuck off.”
In the dark, I’m biting down on my lip so hard that it brings tears to my eyes. I push him off me, and this time he stays away.
“Just think about what I’ve said. Goodnight, Leela.”
ELEVEN
Crosby
Maybe I’ma dickhead for proposing a long-term relationship right when both of us are seconds away from passing out from exhaustion.
I glance at my phone; it’s six a.m.
For all my bluster and swagger, she’s not wrong to be wary of me. That motorcycle club in Florida is not my biggest fan after I helped get my cousin out of its clutches. And…the other reasons.
I hope wherever he is, he gets in contact with me soon to let me know he’s not dead in a ditch somewhere.
I close my eyes and listen to her breathing, remembering how it felt in my mouth and against my skin. Her taste lingers on my tongue. The sensation of our hands clamped tight together like lovers is branded into my skin. We’ve not even had P-in-V sex yet, and already she’s left her mark on me.
Eventually, her breath falls into the even pattern of someone in a deep sleep. The sound of her and the feeling of her in my bed lulls me into hours of sleep I didn’t think I was capable of.
In my dreams, Leela wears an apron and nothing else. She’s in my kitchen, making muffins. I’m there too, washing dishes. Watching her like a hawk, not wanting to take my eyes off her for one second, I scan her face and body. She’s here, in my apartment, but she doesn’t yet belong to me, so I watch her. A feeling of dread holds me, and I know that if I take my eyes off her, she’ll be gone when I look back.
Eventually, she looks at me and says, “It’s not like I have a choice,” she says. Suddenly my small kitchen transforms into a vast white space with a marble island. Bright sunshine pours in through open windows as she moves through the space, and she looks like an angel. Behind me, doors open and close, and there’s chatter. It’s a house full of people, love, laughter, and good smells. There’s also pain, sadness, arguments, and struggle. But ultimately, there’s an overwhelming sense of love and awe. I follow her through the kitchen, down the hall, and up the stairs. “Where are we going?” I ask.
“Back,” she says, turning the corner ahead of me on a winding staircase. “You’re not ready.”
She says this as I watch her small foot disappear around the wall. I rush up to the landing to catch up to her, and Leela’s gone.
I wake with a start, sitting up straight in my bed. My phone reads seven a.m., and there’s a text message there. The notification must have woken me up.
Instead of reaching for my glasses, I reach out my hand to make sure she’s still there. Resting my hand on the jut of her hip, my heart rate calms. I exhale and get a hold of myself. Lying back down on my side, I face away from Leela’s comforting presence but close enough to feel her warmth. It’s only then that I don my glasses and read the text.
“Hey, cousin.”
The jarring way that kid is in and out of my life would give someone else whiplash. Me, I’ve come to expect this as his modus operandi. I love the kid, but fuck him.
“Jason,” I reply.
“Just checking in.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m all good. I’m so good, buddy. I just wanted to say thanks for everything you’ve done for me. And I wanted to apologize for everything.”
I have to say I’m pleasantly surprised. “Where are you right now?”
“Texas. I’m working a pretty good job. Are you still in Chimney Rock with Aunt Jenny?”
“Nah, I went to school after all that. Pre-med.”
“No shit. The Nashes are moving up in the world. What school?”
I tell him the name, but I don’t give him the address. Knowing Jason’s history, I never know when he might show up here, asking for money to gamble or spend on get-rich-quick schemes. And I’m not going to enable that anymore.
After hanging up, I’m wide awake with a sense of pride for my cousin. I knew he could do it. I knew he could get himself together, get a job, and make something of himself. Nobody ever expected anything of him; nobody ever pushed him. Except for me. I expected better, and eventually, it paid off. It’s all been worth it. I put myself in danger and put a target on my back with that motorcycle club. But everything is looking up now. I’m here on a scholarship, and now I have a woman who surprised me by making me fall in love. I’ll be a goddamned doctor, married, hopefully with two kids, a dog, and a house in another few years, and you won’t be able to tell me nothing.
