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It was tender and sweet and everything I knew Milo to be.
Tentatively, I raised my hand, placing it at the back of his neck, feeling the coarse hairs as I laid it there. When I didn’t pull away, he moved his lips, pressing in harder. I gave him what he wanted, meeting his movements with my own.
When he pulled away, a whimper left me, my cheeks flaming, but I didn’t feel too embarrassed by the pleased smile that spread across Milo’s face.
“I look forward to courting you, darling.”
Someone call the swoon police because I about melted.
Four
COHEN
I only madeit a few feet out of the laundry room before Asa opened his mouth, not letting me get away with anything. He’d been eyeing me the whole time while we sorted clothes, so I knew it was coming. I was just hoping I could outrun him and he’d forget. Didn’t look like it was going to happen though.
“Sooo… how are you doing?” Asa observed me, his gaze earnest as he checked me over for any cracks in my foundation.
Blowing out a breath, I shoved my hands in my pockets as I kept walking. “Can we wait until we’re not in the hallway?” I asked, deflecting.
“Sure, man.”
I kept walking, leading him to the gym. We walked in, finding it empty for the moment. Asa spun around, taking it all in. It was a state-of-the-art gymnasium with every piece of workout equipment you could ever need, a boxing ring, a track that ran above the place, a shooting range, and several rooms for massages, ice tubs, saunas, and even a pool. Just about every sport was covered outside of the ice ones.
“Wow, this place is massive. I thought the hockey training rooms were cutting edge, but this is… I have no words.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty awesome.” I smiled, enjoying his excitement. Of course, the gym brought with it a whole slew of emotions. Memories of my own training, sparring with Ryker, and my budding feelings for him plagued me, and I suddenly wondered if this was the best place to be at the moment.
“You okay?”
A sardonic laugh left me before I could stop it. “I don’t think I can answer that.”
“Okay, how about you start with how you feel about seeing Ryker.” Asa walked over to the wall and slid down onto the mat. Sighing, I knew I could benefit from talking about my feelings, so I followed and joined him on the ground.
“I don’t know where to start,” I admitted, laying my head back against the wall. “When things ended with Ryker, I took some time away from The Order. When I returned, I was anxious about running into him, but after a few months, when that didn’t happen, I felt relieved and sad. It hit home that I’d just been a fling for him, so I moved on. But now, to learn that he’s been my handler this whole time in secret is confusing. Did he do it to mess with me? Or did he care, and it was his way of staying in my life? My brain is going around and around, and I can’t seem to land anywhere.”
“I think that’s one of those things you might have to ask him yourself. You’ll never know the real answer otherwise.”
I snorted, shaking my head. “If only it was that easy to talk to Ryker. He’s not one for communicating.”
“I dunno. I think you’re remembering the younger version of him. While he might have some areas with Fin and you to make up for, I took him as a mature and serious leader. He might surprise you that he’s changed since your last liaison.”
“Maybe,” I sighed. “But does that erase everything? I’m not sure I want to open my heart to him.”
“A conversation is just that, a conversation. It’s not a requirement to trust someone or forgive. It’s just a chance to clear the air. I think you owe yourself that much. What you do from there is up to you.”
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Not to change the subject, but what do you think about Milo?” I laughed, tilting my head slightly toward him.
He grinned, shaking his head. “I’m cool with it. Much like you, Milo has been hanging around for a while now, so I’ve kind of come to terms with it. Plus, he seems to bring something out in her neither of us does, and I like seeing that side of Fin.”
“You’re a lot more easygoing about this than I thought you’d be.”
“I’ve thought about that myself, and as far as I can tell, I think being separated from my twin at birth broke something in me. My whole life, I’ve been searching for something to fit that space. I tried with my parents and only got pushed away by my father. I tried hockey, and it worked for a while. The team aspect was nice, and I instantly had a group of friends. It wasn’t until I met Fin, Sawyer, and all the guys in her life that I finally felt like I belonged. I get that with you and Milo too. When we all worked together in the hotel the other day, it clicked for me. Together, we’re all better with Fin, and I love that feeling.”
I nodded, thinking it over. “Yeah, I think I know what you mean. The Order was that for me for a while, that place to belong. The fallout with Ryker had me feeling on the outside again. Working with Fin and Samson has been that home I think I was looking for. This past week has been the most natural my life has felt in ages.”
“Which brings me back to the original topic… does Ryker fit into that? For you? For Fin?”
Taking a deep breath, I looked around the gym, hoping the answer would come to me. When it didn’t, my shoulders slumped, and I turned back to Asa. “I don’t know, and I can’t answer that for Fin. If she wants him, then that’s something I guess I’ll have to figure out separately.”
