AllFreeNovel
Share Us
His honesty knocks the wind right out of me.
“I know I shouldn’t have brought you here. Fuck, this is a mess.”
I walk to him and I take his hands in mine. “Look at me.”
“I can’t. I can’t stand the man I was. Not after what I did, who I was with you,” he says, not meeting my eyes. Biting on his lip, he runs both hands over his stubble.
“Look at me,” I order, but he can’t. “We need to talk. We have to if we ever want to move on from this.”
He stops me. “I know we do, goddamn it. I know. But every time I’m with you, my brain short-circuits and I can’t think straight. After you left, I was a fucking mess, and seeing you now hurts like hell. Because I know I am the reason for that look in your eyes.” He steps away from me.
My breath catches, and I feel the same anticipation as I did when we first met. It’s like I’m seeing the boy I fell in love with in California standing before me. But the man who broke my heart is still part of him too.
He continues, “Not being able to touch you, kiss you, to talk to you like a normal human being. Still being married to you and not having you.” He hangs his head. “Fuck!” he belts out. Brushing a shaking hand through his hair, he says, “I’ve been inside of you, for fuck’s sake.” He roars, leaning against the mantelpiece.
I stare at his trembling body, my hands itching to touch him. Why am I still fighting my feelings?
Because I know what a crapshoot giving him my heart is. I don’t know if I can take another round.
“You think I don’t know that? I think about it every time I’m with you,” I say, my voice rising.
He turns around. “It wasn’t all bad,” he says, not breaking eye contact.
“I know it wasn’t. But fuck, Navarone, when it was bad, it broke me.” My voice is a whisper. “Do you want to know what it was like the moment I stepped out of the hospital? Do you?” Tears sting my eyes.
He reaches out to me but I step back. “No, you know what I survived. I made it this far without you. I don’t need you.”
“I know you did,” he mumbles. “I know you don’t need me; you made it clear all these years you’ve been avoiding me.” Taking a step forward, he towers over me.
I can feel his heat; it’s like my body knows he’s near. The electricity is pulsing between us. Like he flicked on a switch when he walked back into my life.
“And I hate myself for asking you to love me again. I’m a fucking selfish bastard for still loving you. You’re my home, babe. That part never changed.”
“Your home? After I broke, the only person I needed was you to glue the pieces back together. And guess what? You were long gone by then. You were gone and left me to figure it all out for myself,” I say, raising my voice. “It should have been us together, figuring out life,” I continue. “I didn’t want to go on tour with my brother, but I needed to try and forget about you. But it didn’t work. You were in the back of mind with every stupid thing I did, even when I hadn’t worn your ring in years. Guess always didn’t mean shit to you, did it?”
He grabs my arms, shaking me. “Dammit, Al, you weren’t the only one who lost a part of his heart. I lost two people I loved that day.” He takes my cheeks between his trembling hands. “I promised I would stay away, but I can’t. I still love you.” His mouth crashes down on mine.
Tears escape when I melt into him. It scares me how lost I already am in his kiss, loving the way he makes me feel like I’m finally coming home.
