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Hunter
Igrab the marble of the sink until my knuckles turn white. Turning on the faucet I splash some cold water on my face. Staring into my bloodshot eyes in the hospital bathroom mirror I swear under my breath. She is still sleeping, like she has done the whole damn day. I skim the pill bottles on the sink with shaking fingers. I grab one and scan the label, before opening it. Everything I once wanted is right here in these bottles: Percocet, OxyContin, the works. I fucking hate hospitals.
“What are you doing?” she asks.
I twist the top back on and place the container back.
“Nothing,” I murmur, kneeling beside her bed. “Are you okay? Need anything?”
“You,” she whispers, and I get under the covers and pull her against me. “Only you.” I bury her face in my chest.
“I’m tired,” she whispers.
We both know she’s not talking about needing a good night’s sleep.
“I know,” I husk out, kissing her temple and holding her in my arms. She is so brittle and small. “How are you feeling, Shorty?”
“I’m glad we’re going home tomorrow.” Tears pool in her eyes.
She looks away. Reaching out I cup her cheek, before taking her hand and kissing each finger.
“Stay with me,” she whispers, our noses almost touching. I close my eyes for a brief second before a tear rolls over my cheek.
Her gaze meets mine, and she tells me, “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For pushing you away when it became real, when we became real. I love you, Hunter,” she says.
I cover her hand with my own. “I love you too, Shorty. I know you were only pushing me away because you were sick and you didn’t want me to see you like this. Is that it?”
She nods.
“But Drew, Tim and Jay—they all knew. Why didn’t you trust me enough? You didn’t even give me a chance. What did you think? That I would walk away once I discovered what was happening to you?”
She nods.
“That isn’t what love is supposed to be, babe.”
She doesn’t say anything but keeps staring at me, tears running down her face.
“I didn’t know what to do. It was just easier,” she begins.
“Easier how?”
“If you didn’t know, then I could pretend it wasn’t happening to me. But I’m dying, Hunter. My body is giving up. I’m so tired I can’t hold on anymore. Some days I have trouble speaking; other days I can’t get out of bed, and it was easier to keep my heart closed than to hurt you.”
“It fucking broke me, Sky,” I confess.
“Not as much as it would have destroyed me to see that look in your eyes every day you had to take care of me.”
“And what if I wanted to take care of you, Shorty?”
“Stop talking about what you want.I love you, and I didn’t want you to love me out of guilt or because you felt sorry for me,” she says, her voice insecure.
“That’s what you’re afraid of? That I wasn’t going to love you for the right reasons?”
“How can you love me?” she whispers, casting her eyes down.
