Page 35 of X My Heart


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A couple days later

Sky

It’s almost five in the morning when I hear a knock on my door, “Yeah?” I croak out pushing the covers from me.

“Hey, kiddo,” Jay says, opening the door wider. “Want to come downstairs with me?”

I can’t help but laugh, “Jay, it’s five in the morning.”

“I know, but I want to show you something,” he mutters, leaning against the doorframe. “And you can call me dad by the way, I mean you don’t have to. I understand if you need some time, or…” he says rambling a little.

“I know you’re my dad, but you were always Jay to me, and I need…”

“Time,” he finishes for me.

“That too, give me five minutes and I’ll change,” I tell him.

“I’ll be waiting on the porch,” he says, leaving me alone again.

I jump into my yoga pants, pull a sweater over my head, and meet him on the back porch. “What did you want to show me?” I ask, stifling a yawn.

“That,” he whispers, pointing to the purple and pink canvas painting the sky.

“It’s beautiful, Jay,” I tell him, and I mean it.

“I love it here, Sky. I’m proud of the life I’ve created for the boys and me,” he says, adjusting his camo baseball cap. “But I’m not proud of the way I left things between us. I…” he begins, leaning his arms against the wooden railing.

“You don’t need to explain,” I link my arm through his, and rest my temple against his shoulder. I know we need to talk, and I keep pushing the inevitable conversation we need to have out in front of me. It’s easier that way, to pretend everything is going to be all right.

His lips brush my forehead, “I should, you are my kid and I didn’t try hard enough to keep you in my life.”

“You’re trying now,” I whisper, watching the vibrant colors paint the morning sky. “That’s all that matters.”

“I’ll keep at it, baby girl,” he promises. “I’ll try with you till the end.”

I park the truck at the water’s edge. I spent the morning with Jay; we chatted about everyday things. I want to get to know the man he has become. We didn’t talk about the reason for me coming here, and I want to keep it that way a little longer, because once I tell him, I’ll break. Checking my rearview mirror, my mascara is smudged. I try to wipe it from my cheeks with a paper tissue. “Darn it,” I growl, and put my Wayfarers on. Staring at the steering wheel in front of me, I grab it hard with both hands.

“Fuck!” I scream with all my might. I slam my hands against it. My knuckles hurt like hell but at least I feel something. Why did I come here? What the hell was I thinking? I couldn’t expect Jay to open up to me immediately. I don’t even want to tell him what is going on. I don’t know what to say to him half the time. And why can’t I stop thinking about Hunter? He’s nothing like I expected him to be. He’s scary and exhilarating at the same time. Tim’s voice echoes through my mind, why not have a good time?

Letting my head drop, I honk the horn with my forehead and I laugh. There are not many people on the beach except two families with small children playing in the sand. Climbing out of the truck, I take off my shoes and walk to the shore.

I toss my Vans on the ground and plop down, staring at the little kids playing near the water. Curling my toes, I lean back, letting my hands disappear in the warm sand. The little girls laugh and scream in the distance.

Pushing my sunglasses up into my hair, I take the prescription out of my pocket, staring at the little piece of paper until my eyes start to water.

After Drew helped me return the rental earlier, I dropped him off back at Jay’s place, and headed to the pharmacy. I want to be alone. I know Jay suspects something is going on. The way he’s been asking if I’m all right the last couple of days, hovering over me all protectively, is a dead giveaway. I don’t want to deal with the inevitable conversation we have to have.

The sun is warm. I take off the black sweater and watch the waves roll in, clutching the list of medicine and medical marijuana between my fingers.

My hands are getting numb. I stretch my fingers but I can’t feel them for a couple of seconds. I close my eyes and concentrate on the wind brushing against my skin. Even lifting my hand hurts.

Listening to the kids screaming as they run after each other, I try to find my center. I focus on the sound of waves crashing on the beach, and Hunter’s blue eyes flash in my mind. I relive the way he touched my cheek, and the secret thrill that ran through my body. The way my hand tingled when I covered his has me breaking out in goose bumps.

Taking a deep breath, I stretch my fingers and gaze out toward the ocean.

A pair of big boots stop next to me. The peaceful, easy feeling goes to hell. I glance up and close my eyes again, fighting against the threatening tears.

“Are you following me?” I ask, not even smiling, because how can he ever fall for someone as broken as me. “Please go away, Hunter.”

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