AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Is it …?” he asks hesitantly.
“Yes, asshole, it’s yours, since you’ve been the only fucker I’ve slept with,” I grumble.
The corner of his mouth hikes up slightly, and he reaches out, but at the last second changes his mind about placing his hand on my stomach. “How?” He rolls his eyes. “I mean, I fucking know how, but you said you were p-p-protected,” he stutters, glancing up from staring at my bump.
He probably recognizes the look on my face that I want to smack him. He grimaces. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” he mumbles, brushing a hand through his hair. “So what do you want from me?” Taking another step back, he runs his knuckles over his stubble, looking at the open garage door and his Harley parked in the driveway, probably already plotting his next great escape.
“I don’t need your money, Jesse,” I tell him.
“What the hell do you need from me, then?” he asks, exasperated.
“If you even have to ask that, then forget it,” I mutter, hanging my head, caressing my stomach.
“Damn, babe, I don’t know what you want. Shit, this is coming out all wrong,” he drawls. “I …” he says again, like he’s searching for a way out. Probably to tell me to take a hike. What did I expect? He has his whole career in front of him. He wouldn’t want to raise a kid with me; he’s gone the better part of the year chasing pow up on some mountain.
“I need to go,” I tell him, walking past him.
“Oh, no, you don’t. I know you, babe. You are not going to run away like you have always done when things get rough. Why didn’t you call me when you found out?” he asks, grabbing my arm.
“Why didn’t you call me to let me know you were still alive and not buried under a pile of snow in Alaska?” I bite on my lip, then it hits me; I’m angry at him because I’m scared of losing him.
“I don’t know, Acie, because I wanted to protect you.” He sounds sincere, but the look in his eyes still screams, I’m scared shitless, and I want to run as far away from you as I can.
“When you look or smile at me without that permanent scowl on your face, and laugh at something I did or say, it’s like I’ve won a battle, Jesse. But guess what, snowboard guy? It’s not enough. I can’t keep fighting for you to open up, or to let me into your heart,” I tell him, pushing him in the chest.
“I know, damn it,” he bellows, slapping his hand against the wall. “But it all went to shit, didn’t it? I was fine on my own with my races, or some backcountry adventure with my boys. But you, babe, you fucked with my plans,” he says, glaring at me. “I should have used a rubber,” he mumbles under his breath. “I wanted to have it easy, okay?”
“Easy?” I frown up at him, ignoring his remark about the condom and how it slices my heart right open.
“Yeah, I wanted to have it easy. I told you I didn’t need anyone,” he roars.
“Yeah, you made that perfectly clear,” I bite out.
“But you know what, it doesn’t matter shit how many girls I slept with before, or chased after me, they don’t come close to you,” he says sincerely, his angry stare faltering.
“That warms my heart,” I drawl, sarcasm dripping from my voice.
“Don’t you get it?” he asks, boxing me in against the wall, his hands on either side of my face. “It wasn’t meant to be, because they weren’t you.” His voice is soft, and when he trails the line of my jaw with his thumb, I slowly melt under his touch.
“Is this supposed to make me feel better? You can’t keep toying with me like this. You are either in or out,” I warn. I need to keep him close. I need to keep him safe. My heart starts racing in my chest. I can’t lose him; not like I lost my brother all those years ago. The tears are coming, but I push them back. Why shouldn’t I take the risk? If I tell him I’m in love with him, what do I have to lose?
I take a deep breath. “I love you, do you know that?” I say, and I lift my head.
His eyes go big, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Yes, Mister I Can’t Commit, I’m going to lay it out for you. I love you. I think I have for a long time. I’m not expecting some grand gesture, because this isn’t about us anymore. I love that you aren’t afraid to do what you love, to go after it. But you can’t come back into my life, after not speaking for days on end, and expect me to say, okay, let’s do this thing, let’s get together and find out where it goes,” I tell him, my voice strong.
“Ace,” he rasps, as he takes my hand in his.
“Let me finish this before I chicken out, Jesse. I know what your life entails. I know you are always on the road, traveling, reaching for the podium, and I love that about you,” I tell him, brushing my fingers through his hair. He sways, leaning into my touch. “You are brave. Hell, you make me want to be brave too. This is it, though. If you can’t be with me, tell me now,” I whisper, turning and leaning my butt against the truck.
“Can we hit the brakes, babe?” he rumbles, brushing both his hands over his face. “This is way too fucking much to process.” The man can’t even look me in the eyes, that’s how scared he is.
I want to walk away, but he grabs my hand and pushes me back against the car.
“Hold up one goddamn second. I can’t believe there is someone inside you,” he says, staring at my stomach. “I mean, fuck,” he swears, never taking his eyes from my belly.
“You said several times you wanted to keep me. Was that some line to get me to sleep with you?” I ask, fighting against my tears.
