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And with that, she hands us a prescription and sends us on our way. Well here goes nothing.
It has been four days since the doctor’s office and already I feel like a pin cushion. Every day I take a hormone pill then at night Hagen sticks me in the abdomen. The medicine is making me cranky, anxious, and I hate every second of it. But I would do anything for him. To be able to give him what he wants. He says that not having a baby isn’t a deal breaker for him. I am what he wants above all else. But I can’t help but feel like it’s wishful thinking on his part.
“Baby you ready for your shot?” NO!
“Yea. What choice do I have?” His eyebrows shoot up at my negative attitude. I feel bad as usual about my demeanor, but fuck…this hurts my heart. “Sorry Hagen. I know it’s not your fault. I’m tired. Please forgive me. Go ahead.” He looks at me a bit longer before sticking me. When he is done, I lay in the bed on my side trying to not cry, yet again.
When he wraps his arms around me and pulls me back further into him, the tears that were at bay show themselves once again. “I’m so sorry you got a bum wife.” I say through the waterfall.
“Look at me Missy.” he pulls my chin up staring at my mess of a face. “You know what I see when I look at you? I see my Þrúðr. My warrior. You are stronger than any woman I know. You can do this. No, fuck that. We can do this. Together. I love the fuck out of you baby. If this doesn’t work, we can try again if you want. If you don’t, there are other options. The only thing that matters is that we go through this together.” He leans in to kiss me and my body calls for him to make me forget.
“Fuck me, Husband.”
“With pleasure. Wife.”
And he does. All night long. I just wish it helped.
Chapter Nine
Hagen
Six weeks later
Sitting in the diner, I watch my beautiful wife bustling around. The last six weeks have taken a toll on us in more ways than one. We had the insemination and now we wait. The effects of this medicine have been hard on her and I fucking hate it. She’s irritable and not really acting like herself. Something’s got to give. When she comes over to the counter, I stop her.
“We can’t do this anymore,” I say.
“Are you breaking up with me?” She asks angrily. “I know that I can’t’-”
“Fuck, no,” I respond, shutting that shit down. I know she was going to say that she can’t give me kids, but that doesn’t matter to me. No matter how many times I tell her that she doesn’t believe me. I don’t know what I can do to make her see.
“Then what?” She says whisper shouting. I know some of the customers are staring at us. I can’t say that I blame them. This shit is like a telenovela.
“These treatments. The hormone shots. Whatever the fuck it is that you drink every morning that smells like dirty gym socks. You seem miserable,” I respond calmly, standing. “It’s my job as your husband to make sure you are happy. I haven’t been able to do anything, Missy. Can’t you see? I just want my wife back.” She scoffs and it seemingly echoes off the walls.
“Of course, I am miserable, Hagen. I want babies and my body isn’t cooperating. You’d be miserable too.” I hear the bell above the door tinkle, and I turn away for a split second.
I see my nephew’s wife come in. I call Erik and let him know where his wife is. I am not actually sure why I’m doing this. Just a feeling really, she doesn’t look like herself either. What’s up with the women in this town? No one looks happy anymore, but that is a thought for another time.
“Look at me when you’re arguing with me.” She goes on and on. Using her hands getting really animated.
“Missy, please. Try and think about what this is doing to me too.”
“You? Think about you? I only ever think about you, fucking jackass.” My eyes widen. Her vitriol has never been aimed at me quite like this and I am inclined to think her hormones are all jacked up right now.
“I’ll see you at home. I think we are both acting irrationally. This has escalated quickly. I love you,” I say before moving to walk out.
“Ugh,” she says loudly, before I see a sugar jar wiz past me in a terrible throw situation. The front window collapses in ward spraying glass all over Lanie, who sits there looking confused. It’s was like a slow-moving train wreck, then time speeds up.
