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I sigh, running my fingers through my hair and considering how much I can tell her. But we've been honest with each other so far, so I see no point in lying to Yvette. She's becoming a friend. The kind of figure I never had in my life before because I was isolated for so long. Even the maids in our house were afraid to be my friends. But it's not the same here. Not with Yvette. I trust her implicitly. And I know she will never betray me because I do the same for her. At this point. I'm ready to give my life for hers. She's been through so many worse things than I've been put through. She deserves some peace.
"Tell me about Mathilda," Yvette suggests, making my bottom lip wobble.
"It's hard to talk about her because it feels like she's here and gone the same time."
"How long has it been since you last saw her?"
"It has been about a year since... I saw her properly, you know, not withouthimcontrolling me like he always does."
She seems to understand what I'm talking about. I'm sure she's witnessed her fair share of controlling behaviors from her husband who sounds like a grade A asshole.
"She always looked up to me and thought I was special. But... I wasn't always nice to her."
I couldn't let myself get close to Mathilda. It meant Xavier could hunt hunt her down and hurt her because of her connection to me. I'm not sure she's safe now.
"Because of what I did to Xavier, I'm almost convinced he's going to go after my family. This was all their idea after all, but my little sister is innocent. She never asked for any part of this. My parents just dragged her into it," I mutter.
Ivette is quiet, intently listening without interrupting me.
There's a seriousness about her, but that smirk never leaves her lips as she pulls her long locks into a messy ponytail. I admire her long nails. I'll have to ask her about those someday. But right now it's not appropriate. We're sharing things that are deeper than that. And if I go back on it, she won't trust me anymore.
I don't know why it's so important to me to have Ivette's trust. But she's not just a friend. She's an ally. And I can see us going through a lot together.
It's almost like I have another sister.
"Areyouan only child?" I ask her and she nods. "I never had a good connection with my family. I never had anyone taking care of me or offering to take care of me. I've always been out for myself. I had to do everything on my own."
"That must have been difficult. I admit, my life has been pampered in so many ways. I got everything I ever wanted. But at the same time, I knew I had a purpose larger than my life, that I would someday have to fulfill the debt that my parents had. Get rid of their debt and kill him. And that was hard for me because when I was a little girl, I was infatuated with Xavier. Obsessed with him."
"I can understand that," Ivette nods with a wise smile. "Infatuation isn't so far away from love or hate, is it? Sometimes the ones we're supposed to despise the most wake up something deep inside us. Something that doesn't die down easily."
I know exactly what she's talking about.
"But sometimes you have to break that bond that you've created, because it's safer for you to get out of it. Sometimes you don't survive love or hate that strong," she adds thoughtfully.
We stare at the ground, neither of us speaking until I finally decide to change the topic.
"What about your kids? What are their names?"
Her bottom lip trembles. I can tell she wants to tell me. But it would be too painful for her to admit their names right now. She's pushed all those memories away just like I've done with my family and the dogs I left at Xavier's estate.
"You don't have to tell me their names," I quickly correct myself. "Just tell me about them. What are they like?"
"They're my little angels," Ivette says. "It's been years that I've been away from them. And there's not a second that goes by without me wondering what they look like now. If they remember me, if their father tells me about me or if he lies about me. Someday, I'll find my boys again. Someday, we'll be reunited and I'll be the mother they deserve. But I'm too afraid now."
She wipes a tear from her eye and I reach out squeezing her hand.
"How did you stop being afraid, Tallulah?" she whispers.
I have no idea if I should lie to her. The truth is, I never stopped being afraid. Selfishly, I still believe my life to be more important than the debt my parents had to pay to Xavier. I want to live. I don't want to be a killer. I don't want Xavier to kill me for what I've done to him. I know if they find me... they will kill me.
I finally decide to tell her the truth.
"I'm still afraid," I say. "I'm afraid every day that he's going to find me and steal me, force me back to where I was before. But I'm not going to let him hurt me anymore. This time, I'm not going to play the perfect role for him. I'm going to fight him every step of the way, until he realizes I have the upper hand. I'll never let him imprison me like like he did before. I've experienced freedom now. I've got a taste for it. I'll keep running."
"You know how it is with these men," Yvette sighs. "You keep running, they keep chasing you."
We both giggle.
