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“What are you doing?” Saul asks me, his eyes zeroing in on the notebook in my hands. “I recognize that… Are you going to call somebody? It's about damn time, Xavier.”
I don’t know what to tell him. I was thinking of calling Selena but I don’t think it’s a good idea when Tallulah is still on my mind. And it feels like a betrayal to her. If I contact someone else and do something with them... it'll be like admitting our story is over.
“Who are you thinking of calling?” Saul asks me again when I don’t answer his question. “Are you finally getting over that little bitch who fucked you over so much? I think it’s time you found someone else to fix your obsession on. Let’s be real,padron, you’re never going to find her. She’s so far away now. She could be anywhere in the world. Even if we put our best men on the job, it’s like finding a needle in a haystack. She’s long gone by now, Xavier, you need to give up.”
I respond by slamming my fist on the desk. I fight every bone in my body not to throw a punch. There’s so much anger and rage boiling inside me. I want to scream, break things. I want to tell my partner that I’ll never give up. Not until we find her and bring her back here, where she belongs. Where I’ll start punishing her and torturing her for everything that she did to me. All the ways in which she betrayed me, repaid. The debt that her parents gave her up for has just grown bigger. And I’m not about to back down on the promises she made to me.
She’ll still be my wife. She’ll still wear my ring, and I will marry her. I will knock her up. I will do everything in my power to make Tallulah mine again. And there’s nothing anyone can do to stop me.
I toss the notebook to the floor. I still haven’t replied to Saul. But he seems to sense that something’s off with me, that my mind is still preoccupied with a gorgeous blonde who abandoned me to seek a better life for herself. Who abandoned our relationship, our dogs, our home and all the dreams we built together.
“Are you going to answer me? Or are you just going to sit there and mope?” Saul demands when I don’t speak up. “You need to get over this girl. It’s been too long. It’s been eighteen years of you obsessing over her. Trying to make her your wife. You never should have made that deal with Heath and Rain. They were always going to fuck you over.”
“Are you trying to get hit right now? Because I’m more than prepared to break your jaw for speaking to me like that,” I hiss at Saul. “You forget your place in this house, boy. You forget that you’re just my right-hand man. And I still single-handedly run this cartel. You should watch your tone when you speak to me. Because I have every intention of taking out eyes, chopping off arms and ripping out tongues of every single person who doubts my decisions. Now, are you ready to change your tone? Or are you going to keep being a little bitch?”
Saul laughs at me, and after a moment I can help but chuckling myself. This whole situation is insane. I never knew what I was getting into when I brought Tallulah home. Saul walks to the bar set up in my office and pours us each a drink. I don’t argue or hit him when he approaches me with the glass tumbler filled with amber liquid. Instead, I drink the whiskey in one gulp, filling my stomach with a fiery sensation that makes me feel better about my mind going places they shouldn’t.
Saul has a point anyway. I’m still obsessing over my ward, even though she’s betrayed me in the worst possible way. I’m still daydreaming about bringing her back, somehow convincing her I’m the right man for her.
After her trials and tribulations, maybe I’ll finally let her go. But even as I think of it, I already know I’m lying to myself. There is no way I can give up Tallulah, not after everything we’ve been through. But that doesn’t change the fact that she’ll have to pay for all her misgivings once she returns to the house. I will not let her go unpunished.
Saul finishes his drink and sets the glass down on my desk.
“So, are you going to tell me who you were going to call?” he asks with a grin.
I can tell he’s fucking with me. But I also know he has a point.
He picks up the crumpled notebook from the floor and irons it out on my desk when he sees the name on it. I know he’ll go right to that one. While Selena was never the right woman for me, we had our fun. He smirks at me.
“Are you thinking about Selena again?”
I shake my head. I’m not about to admit the redhead has been on my mind. She hasn’t, really. It’s just that I want to get over this. I will not allow Tallulah Gunn to govern my thoughts and every waking action I make. I will not let her in anymore. All that matters now is finding her again and punishing her for everything she’s done to me.
“There’s only one thing I know for sure,” I tell Saul. "Until I’m finished with Tallulah. There is no way I can move on with a woman. That’s why I want to bring her back. To punish and hurt her."
Saul nods with understanding. “That’s why I told the men not to kill her, because I knew you had unfinished business with her. And I knew you’d want to bring her back. I still don’t think it’s a good idea to marry her, though. This girl hasback stabbedyou. How can you ever trust her again?”
I stare him down for a long time, pondering my next words. I run a hand through my hair. My shirt is stretching over my arms. I’ve been hitting the gym pretty hard to get my mind off of everything that’s happened. My muscles are bigger than ever, and the ink of tattoos that cover them stretches over the skin, making me look like the beast I am.
“It’s not about marrying her anymore,” I say. “It’s about punishing her for everything she’s done to me. It’s about bringing her back here and showing her pain like she’s never experienced before. I want to know she’s hurting. And I want to know I’m the one who did it to her.”
Saul smirks at me. “Looks like we finally have the old Xavier back. I never doubted you,padron. I just wanted your old self back, the ruthless leader you were before this girl came along. I never doubted what you’re going to do to her when she’s finally caught. Are you going to kill her?”
The question seems so nonchalant. I don’t know how to reply. Of course it’s crossed my mind to drive a blade into Tallulah’s heart and end her suffering, mine with it.
I’m still unsure if I can actually do it. If I can bring myself to kill the one woman who meant something to me, even though she took it all, broke it into tiny little pieces and left me a jagged man.
“We should get to work,” I mutter, walking away from my partner. “There’s people to kill and money to make.”
Chapter 4
TALLULAH
Mynewlifeisnothing like the pampered way of living I was used to when I was with my godfather.
Now I live in the Juarez home for women, which is a shelter to help abused women overcome everything that’s happened to them. It’s been a week and so far, everyone is grateful when I do some tasks others have been dreading.
It’s mostly been cleaning the home, cooking some food, and spending time with the little kids here. It’s heartbreaking to see that so many children are hiding out from their fathers. Their mothers are now their only companions and they have to make do with a new life, one in which their abusive parent has no role. I’ve consoled a few children when they cry about their daddies.
